If you died tomorrow....

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If you died tomorrow....

Post  Lesley Niyori on Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:48 pm

If I died tomorrow....

I have been in the military when a teen.
I have never directly killed anyone though.
I have learned a great deal, mainly textbook knowledge.
But my mind has gone places few will have gone.
I have looked out into the heavens and seen where I came from.
I have seen what 13 billion years ago looks like.
I have seen the incredible horrors man has done to man.
Scary movies don't scare me like the real world does.
I have been married, even if it was a mangled eventually futile effort.
I have held a person I made myself 5 minutes after he took his first breath.
I have stared into the face of death and told him to fuck off.
I have stared into the face of the greatest unknown (transition) and I have walked through that door.
I have discarded a great lie and decided to be my real self.
I've lost fake friends and replaced them with countless real ones.
I've boldly changed my body to be one I can live with.
I have taken hormones and fine-tuned my experience of life.
I have learned so many interesting things about myself. That I'm actually a heterosexual female.
That I CAN be me.
I have forced people to make a choice, either practice their teachings or be revealed to be a fraud.
I am not religious, but I have beliefs that are not utterly atheistic.
I have bravely decided to no longer support a 'god' who refuses to prove he is all he says he is.
I have bravely elected to 'change my mind' when a popular belief fails to measure up.

If I died tomorrow, I think I could die knowing I didn't fail myself.

Where is your life at?
Are you at risk of dying before you managed to do right by yourself?
Are you letting others call the shots in your life?
If you died tomorrow, will you have ripped yourself off of dying happy to be all you could have been?

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Re: If you died tomorrow....

Post  Celia Eriksson on Mon Jul 16, 2018 4:17 pm

Nice post Lesley,

I shall spread my life out, hopefully it gets good enough to allow me to die a good and fulfilled person....

I was a very selfish child and teenager.

I did not speak to my parents for decades, my Father died and I did not know for a month.

I had years of hardship and little respect with and from my first boyfriend.

I hurt someone, romantically, and I still bear the scars, I messed up his life in just a few months.

I realised I was not just a gay, effeminate man, I was a woman. I thought like a woman, I looked like a woman, I lived like a woman, I loved like a woman.

I respect everyone, regardless of race, gender, creed or religion. If I don't like anybody and there is not anybody I can think of that I don't like, it would not be because of 'what' or 'who' they are.

I will never hurt anyone again, unrequited love cannot be helped, but I have not purposely hurt anyone in any way for years and I now live a blameless life.

My reconciliation with my Mother has been joyful and brings happiness to us both.

I know who I am, where I have been. I have no idea where I am going, hopefully I can bring joy to someone and share my life with them. But, though I feel lonely sometimes, I have a great bunch of friends. I don't feel I have let myself down now, or feel I have ripped myself off, I hope that I am a good person and when I die, I think I shall be pleased with me.


Celia xx

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Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow.
Mary Tyler Moore (1936-2017).
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Re: If you died tomorrow....

Post  mariehart1 on Mon Jul 16, 2018 6:01 pm

I was in the military part time as a teenager. Until they let women in later I was the most effeminate thing they ever had. It was a mistake.

I'm married but she's angry at me again for nothing. I think she's angry at herself really.

I failed at almost everything I tried and when I succeeded it was only to be mediocre.

I had many dreams but eventually realised none of them. But I wasn't good enough for any of them.

I never did find out what I was good at.

I finally realised I was a woman and did nothing about it.

I know as I die that I failed myself but:

I helped make two wonderful boys and that will be my legacy.

I'll cling to that positive.




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Re: If you died tomorrow....

Post  MichaelaSJ on Mon Jul 16, 2018 10:22 pm

If I died tomorrow:

    I would miss tomorrowI would miss my family and friendsI would be free of the fucked up world I did little to change and watched too much change happen a around me

Actually, if I die tomorrow:

    There will no longer be a me. My soul will exist only by my history. It will exist in the family that I have builtIn the 27 house I builtIn the residential developments I crafted

I do not believe in an afterlife, I do not believe in a god. I only believe that my presence here on the Earth did not disrupt Nature too much and that the planes I helped shoot at North Vietnam did not do as much damage or kill as many people as I am sure they did.

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451

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