the mirror effect

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the mirror effect

Post  Angelic on Wed Aug 08, 2018 8:32 pm

Saw my body (my face) in a mirror today. Wasn't Dorian Greying it, it was an accident. I looked the reflection. I looked ugly as sin. I looked like a total mexican macho hombre. I looked fucking disgusting.

Normally during these times I fantasize about chopping off my own head and fantasizing about my glorious death, but I didn't. I am no longer mentally ill. I am cured of the curse of Transsexualism. I will explain how the curse was lifted, it was due to a Nintendo ritual and a certain music doing lifting me of the curse.

I looked at my ugly mug and said I look hispanic. Like that guy from Pirates of the Carribean. And I didn't give a shit. Normally it (the thought loop) goes like this.

1. I see my ugly mug.
2. I say to myself, this is what women want, be cool with it. If I am this ugly I will get laid for sure.
3. Then I wonder, what about lesbians.
4. Then I tell myself, lesbians are TERF anyway.
5. Then I realize, even if I am ugly as sin, noone will want me anyway.
6. Is where I go back into regretting being male and wishing I was a girl.

Except, this time, I never hit 6. I simply did not give a shit. I said if I am forever alone so be it. I don't give a shit about this joke of a fucking world. If an asteroid hits the planet and kills half the population so be it. If people would would just recognize the fallacy of caring. They are so delusional. They care about so much shit. And you know what caring does? It stresses you out. It builds up negativity energy. It is fear. You know what? Shower has not been working all week. And I smell like sin. And you know what? I breathe it in. I just don't care. People make plans. That's what they do. Make plans. It's so futile. How pathetic it is to make plans. And stress over your stupid plans. Right now, I might as well be in the bahamas, because I do not give a shit about anything. And when a hot woman pops up in my mind I just block her out. Don't need the stress of FOMO in my head.

Transsexuals just don't get it. This is what being a man is all about. Do you think I give a shit if I live or die tomorrow? If I die tomorrow so be it. Who the fuck cares. I bet strange and beautiful music will be playing in my brain as I die. As my pathetic brain winds down like a broken snow globe, laughable even. As I fade to black. Who the fuck gives a shit. We are on a stupid rock in the middle of space. Do you know how insignificant the human race is? Who even gives a shit. Aliens don't give a shit. Why would they give a shit about your pathetic mortals and race. The universe has been around for 90 billion years. And yet you care about the life you've been given, how sad. Do you think real men care about anything, or give a shit? No. And you are all girls because you have to look pretty. Have to care. Have to give a shit. Instead of just being content with the ugly mug of a caveman abomination you've been given.

You have no idea it feels like a weight off my brain to not give a shit. Why care when you can just not care? Some people say I sound dangerous. That my views are dangerous. Really? Because people who murder are people who give a shit. And I simply don't care. Why would I risk going to prison to murder a bunch of randoms? I don't give a shit about the randoms. They are nothing to me, not even fit for the dirt on my boot. They are random genetic samples of matter and protoplasm. Why would I risk going to prison to kill fucking amoebas? To make some kind of social statement? Here's my social statement "The world is a joke and not fit for the end of my boot." There I said it, no need to go to prison over it now. Prisons not for me. And let's say, that murder was legalized. If murder was legalized I still wouldn't shoot randoms, shooting randoms is just not my thing. Maybe I would buy a monster truck and run them over as I floor my giant tires over their skulls. Just for the fun of it. But you know what my thing is? If all crime was legalized I would see the next person who looked at me weird. And beat the shit out of them. And when they were on the curb kick them to the curb and smash their beat blood bruised face. And you know what? That would satisfy me. And then I'd go home casually sit down and play wii. Sipping on fizzy water like I'm in the bahamas. And you know why I wouldn't murder? Not because murder is right or wrong. But simply because, it just doesn't make me feel good. I'd rather just, throw some pathetic dweeb in a locker all day. And then kick him in the gut. But outright stabbing or shooting him, just feels unsporting to me. But I mean, crime is illegal so whatevs, can't even beat people up for fun I guess, whatevs, a slight annoyance but I try to deal with it.
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Angelic

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Re: the mirror effect

Post  Angelic on Wed Aug 08, 2018 8:34 pm

Oh yeah, I was supposed to post something philosophical, like, "In our first years we experience life as a subjectivity, but then, we see ourselves as an object in the mirror, and object with flaws, and we start to fill with certain negative thoughts and feelings" but I didn't get around to it.
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Re: the mirror effect

Post  mariehart1 on Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:13 pm

Just constantly posting self hate stuff is not helpful to you and not interesting to us. There are no people who care about what you write. In the real world no one really cares about what other people are feeling. They only care about themselves. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean anyone even thinks about you. They only care about themselves. Get over yourself.

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Re: the mirror effect

Post  Angelic on Sat Aug 11, 2018 3:02 am

mariehart1 wrote:Just constantly posting self hate stuff is not helpful to you and not interesting to us. There are no people who care about what you write. In the real world no one really cares about what other people are feeling. They only care about themselves. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean anyone even thinks about you. They only care about themselves. Get over yourself.

If you don't care about me then why should I care about you or anyone else.

This whole post was about how little I care about this sick sad joke of a world you claim to be a part of.

In fact why is it that laws or morality exist at all in this case, if truly noone cares.
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