Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Go down

Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Papillon on Wed May 30, 2018 11:02 pm

Hey gang,

Not too long ago, one of my old work colleagues confided in me that he also has "trans" leanings. This was after he had clapped eyes on me in TrueMe™️ clothing at work.

He was very kind to me (which was a contrast to almost everyone else at work), and in a spirit of camaraderie and understanding, I engaged with him on it. After some grilling and hard questions, he admitted that it gives him a heavy sexual kick and that he fully identifies as male. Long story short, he wanted to get his ears pierced and I then offered to do it for him.

He visited my place over the weekend for the deed, and, unbeknownst to me, had brought the dress and high heels that he owns, which he prances around in at home (his wife is supposedly turned on, but I think she merely lives vicariously through him).

Anyway, after lunch and his ears getting pierced, my partner somewhat naively suggested that he get dressed up. I was horrified (and afterward had to explain a few things to her since she did not quite understand the nature of his rabbit hole compared to mine).

Oh dear, what a Pandora's box! His outfit was fine, if a bit overly sexualised; the problem was that he has a fairly long goatee (which he refuses to shave because he hates his overbite - or so he claims).

The overall effect was extremely jarring and creepy (knowing that it's all about sex for him), and this kicked my dysphoria into warp drive. I was extremely distraught at the notion that I might have the same effect on others. It was so bad that until yesterday, whenever I looked in the mirror, all I could see was dead dude. On Sunday I even hid away in a quiet place in my mind, and let the dead him come out to get some air and wear his old crap work clothes. No

On the bright side, a lot of heavy lifting, dirty jobs got done around the house.

It's taken me until this morning to get out of gorilla mode and feel normal again. It was an entirely unexpected outcome since I am, as a rule, nonjudgmental and don't make value judgements, particularly when it comes to self-expression. In this case though, I felt dirty and somewhat exploited (if unintentional on his part).

Cross-dressing for sexual kicks is not welcome in my house - keep it in your own bedroom.

I'm still analyzing hard for any hypocrisy on my side and the whole scenario has left me shaken but not stirred.

Any thoughts?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fear is the mind killer.
avatar
Papillon

Posts : 73
Join date : 2018-05-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Kermit on Thu May 31, 2018 4:34 am

Papillon wrote:He visited my place over the weekend for the deed, and, unbeknownst to me, had brought the dress and high heels that he owns, which he prances around in at home (his wife is supposedly turned on, but I think she merely lives vicariously through him).

I kind of like where this is going. study I mean, he was probably looking for acceptance more than anything else. A safe "coming out" sort of business, to gain experience points before doing it in front of unfriendly people, maybe?

Papillon wrote:Anyway, after lunch and his ears getting pierced, my partner somewhat naively suggested that he get dressed up. I was horrified (and afterward had to explain a few things to her since she did not quite understand the nature of his rabbit hole compared to mine).

Oh dear, what a Pandora's box! His outfit was fine, if a bit overly sexualised; the problem was that he has a fairly long goatee (which he refuses to shave because he hates his overbite - or so he claims).

Goatee! affraid
Knowing myself, I wouldn't have looked up to his face much, his facial hair being one of the reasons. Let's move on...

Papillon wrote:The overall effect was extremely jarring and creepy (knowing that it's all about sex for him), and this kicked my dysphoria into warp drive. I was extremely distraught at the notion that I might have the same effect on others.

I'm pretty sure you don't trigger dysphoria in others. If you mean being seen as "jarring and creepy" well that's in the eye of the beholder and it's outside of your control, unless you put on a ghillie suit. Then nobody will see you at all. In an office environment, put on a cardboard box like Solid Snake. OK I'll stop trying to be funny.

Papillon wrote:It was an entirely unexpected outcome since I am, as a rule, nonjudgmental and don't make value judgements, particularly when it comes to self-expression. In this case though, I felt dirty and somewhat exploited (if unintentional on his part).

Maybe you're overthinking this. You don't choose to feel creeped out by certain things, it just happens. So you didn't break your own rules, at least not on purpose, so...

Papillon wrote:Cross-dressing for sexual kicks is not welcome in my house - keep it in your own bedroom.

If you feel strongly about this you should make it clear to him. Chances are it's a one time thing anyway, him coming to your house with the extra clothes, if he does it again let him know it's not appropriate in your home.

Papillon wrote:I'm still analyzing hard for any hypocrisy on my side and the whole scenario has left me shaken but not stirred.

I don't see hypocrisy. You said he's not trans and that he identifies himself as male. So you shouldn't compare yourself to him just because externally you both wear dresses and nylons...
avatar
Kermit

Posts : 7
Join date : 2018-05-19

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu May 31, 2018 5:56 am

There's actually a massive difference between 'tolerance' and 'acceptance'.

I tolerate a lot of things, and sometimes, it's really only me being 'fair'. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours so to speak.

Some stuff I accept, because it's the right thing to do. I don't understand non-binary. But then a lot don't understand me, and yet I expect them to do so.

Crossdressing is a choice to do something that is able to be done for a weekend, or an evening or at home etc. But at the end of the moment, they go and put their other clothing on and become their non-crossdressing self.

I don't have that luxury. I'm a woman. I'm not crossdressing here. My wardrobe isn't made of me and not me attire. The moment I started wearing women's clothing, is the moment I stopped crossdressing as a man. And it wasn't for any form of sexual amusement. I was simply becoming the real me visually.

I have no beef with crossdressers, but no one is going to tell me 'crossdresser' is any portion of the LGBT acronym. And my desire to dress as Sailor Moon is cosplaying a character too. And if I cosplay as a male character, that isn't crossdressing, that's cosplaying. Because I'm just pretending to be someone. And it's a choice. And it isn't the real me. And that is the fundamental reality here. Crossdressing is a choice. And none of the portions of the LGBT spectrum are choices. None of us 'chose' to be any of the LGBT spectrum.

I recently turned off a religious 'choice'. I had been living that 'choice' for decades. But it was still a 'choice'. It was a deeply held one, but it was still a 'choice'.

I'm hetero. Not a 'choice'. Now I might have a thing for enjoying my hetero fun au natural in parks. But THAT would be a 'choice'. I might like short guys or tall guys, or guys that are in business suits or cowboys. Those are also 'choices'. The only part, not a choice, is I expect them to be hetero guys. So a great looking tall handsome cowboy that's as gay as the day is long will be ok to look at, but, won't be worth a damn to me in bed.

I do not enjoy anything about RuPaul. He's a guy and he parodies females. He makes female look silly. He's excessive. The makeup is too much, the clothing is outrageous. It's like the exaggerated behaviours of gay men done to excess. Gay men don't really act like that.
And he feeds the notion that I'm a guy in a dress. He's not doing ME any favours. He encourages the transphobic into believing I'm some weird sexual choice. Thanks, RuPaul, but no thanks. You're no ally of mine.

There are other things that affect me that I consider unfortunate conditioning I wish wasn't there. I admit it, I don't enjoy men kissing. That's homophobic conditioning I'd delete from my mind if I could. Two guys together are no worse than two girls together (although I have to admit, that kinda affects me negatively too). It's not wrong any more than anything about me is wrong. Society is responsible for my reaction. They did it to me.

My reaction to crossdressing is me complaining about a choice making life harder for me.
There are plenty of 'choices' from the realm of sexuality that bothers me. Some more than others. Child brides. Nope. I don't approve. Pedos should be beaten to death. Beastiality is merely like scat obsession, just gross. But if an adult wants to do something I think is merely gross, that's not the same as something I consider 'wrong'.

I don't have to agree to like or approve of 'choices'.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
avatar
Lesley Niyori

Posts : 276
Join date : 2018-05-18
Age : 56
Location : Lindsay Ontario Canada

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Papillon on Thu May 31, 2018 6:42 am

Kermy, you're a sweetie but your insight is only superficial, unlike Lesley.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fear is the mind killer.
avatar
Papillon

Posts : 73
Join date : 2018-05-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  sophiecantdance on Thu May 31, 2018 10:05 am

Hey Papillon, sorry to hear about this. Having dysphoria slap you in the face like that is never fun. I understand not wanting someone to surprise you like that, but honestly I think the most likely scenario is what Kermit suggested; that this person was looking acceptance from someone outside of his home. The desire to be accepted for who we are is ubiquitous, we are after all social creatures . I would see this as more analogous to someone bringing their boyfriend over after coming out to you as a gay man, in that this person was probably looking for a way to sort of say "This is who I am". It is something that they obviously feel hesitance about revealing, and I'm sure there was no intent to make you feel uncomfortable <3

Keep in mind also that many(but not all) people who identify as cisgender crossdessers eventually come out as trans.As a long time closeted transsexual I certainly did my fair share of wearing a dress and a goatee, with a whole bunch of complicated emotional issues driving it.



@Lesley I disagree with your statement
And that is the fundamental reality here. Crossdressing is a choice. And none of the portions of the LGBT spectrum are choices. None of us 'chose' to be any of the LGBT spectrum.
Crossdressing is not a choice, in the way that being gay is not a choice. As Papillon mentioned this person gets a
heavy sexual kick
from crossdressing, meaning that it a part of their sexuality, something that none of us get to choose. That is why crossdressers are part of the umbrella politics of the LGBTQIA+ movement; because they are discriminated against for sexual expression that fall outside of societal norms, just as homosexuality is discriminated against for the selfsame reasons, and transgender people are discriminated against for gender expression that falls outside of societal norms. That is the nature of umbrella politics; as distinct groups we would never have the same voice, and all of our individual struggles for equality and acceptance would be much more difficult.

As far as RuPaul, the distinction between crossdressing and drag has to be considered. Drag is a performance, it is meant to be over the top. It does have positive aspects though, in that it allows for, and normalizes cross gender expression. RuPaul's Drag Race is a perfect example. While you may not agree with the presentation of the *performers*, it is being broadcast to millions of people who as a result may question their own notions of gender expression, especially in young people who have not had their ideology cemented in their minds. Their have been transgender people who competed, which similarly brings exposure to a subject that many people may have otherwise never been exposed to.

For example, growing up I had never heard or seen anything about transgender people outside of the context of the sex trade. That face was a large factor in the repression of my own gender identity, and expression. Had I been exposed to something like RuPaul's Drag Race I would have been able to look at my own gender identity in a different context, knowing that there was a possible future outside of the sex trade (specifically prostitution).

The truth about most social movements is that it is not about changing the minds of older generations, but exposing younger generations to different ideals so that they don't grow into the same biases as their parents. That is why societal change takes time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sophie <3
avatar
sophiecantdance

Posts : 9
Join date : 2018-05-24

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu May 31, 2018 12:02 pm

Nope, I am simply not interested in indulging 'crossdressing' as a choice.

As I said, au natural, it's a choice, it's an optional. There's no basis in calling it 'born that way'. Bondage is also discretionary. You aren't born liking someone abusing you. Sexuality isn't carte blanche to invent limitless 'groups'. Saying a person likes doing it 5 times a day is a choice. Granted, it comes close to also being an addiction too.

Drag is crossdressing. They're not distinct actions.

Crossdressing might be a means to an end for a person, but that just means the person is unable to express the genuine person under the crossdressing.
A crossdressing transgender woman that's not out as transgender, is actually not a man and is actually not genuinely crossdressing. A woman in woman's clothing isn't crossdressing. But if no one knows the person in the woman's clothing is a woman, yeah, they're going to presume the person is just a crossdresser.

It's the same with people expecting to be allowed to call me a 'gay man' if I am interested in men. Nope, I'm not a man. I was never a man. Liking men doesn't make me even the tiniest fraction of a percent gay male. Because I'm not the tiniest fraction of a percent male.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
avatar
Lesley Niyori

Posts : 276
Join date : 2018-05-18
Age : 56
Location : Lindsay Ontario Canada

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  mariehart1 on Thu May 31, 2018 1:16 pm

While I relate to what you say Lesley. It clearly makes you uncomfortable and I have to say my experiences with CDs is similar.
I don't really have a problem with CDs. I used to be one myself or so I thought. But they are men who dress in women's clothes. Of course there is a spectrum and there are people like me in denial but essentially they are men in drag. In fact I can't quite understand the motivation besides the obvious sexual one. The last CD I've met was all about lingerie and sex. He's a charming guy and I indulged him by dressing in lingerie too. I have to say I looked sexy but like most women it didn't go anything for me. But it was fun and I suppose I enjoyed being sexually attractive to someone again. So I've no problem with that.

What does worry me is that CDs are seen in some people's minds as trans. Which they are not, no more than drag Queens.

To me being a crossdresser is a hobby and/or a fetish for some. You could hardly say that about us.



mariehart1

Posts : 43
Join date : 2018-05-25

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu May 31, 2018 1:19 pm

I want to make sure people don't think I have any problems with crossdressers.

Crossdressers are people. It would be as odd to hate crossdressers as it would be to hate people that like cats or dogs. Or trains, or cars, or planes. Or plastic models. Or romance novels. Or Star Wars.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
avatar
Lesley Niyori

Posts : 276
Join date : 2018-05-18
Age : 56
Location : Lindsay Ontario Canada

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Angelic on Wed Jun 20, 2018 1:01 pm

Such is the world we live in.

The people you don't want, want you, and the people you want, don't want you.

I wish some hot crossdresser would take an interest in me, but sadly, none of them do. I wish you could send them my way, preferrably the ones that do not have a goatee but I'm not that picky.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
fuck SOCIETY
avatar
Angelic

Posts : 151
Join date : 2018-06-19

Back to top Go down

Re: Crossdressers give me the creeps!

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum