Work and TDoR

November 20th is almost here. I decided to acknowledge the day at work by not wearing my uniform and instead wear a shirt that references trans* people. It's subtle, but it's better than nothing. My uniform is technically mandatory, but nobody cares, so it's pretty much optional. Regardless, the only time that I don't wear my uniform is on special occasions (usually holidays). So, chances are that people are going to ask me what the occasion is for, and I will use the opportunity to explain what TDoR is and highlight the importance of it.

I work at a school, and two of the teachers may be trans men (or at the very least, they are gender non-conforming), but I haven't talked to them aside from basic greetings, so I can't confirm. I want to use the opportunity to talk to them, and I'm hoping that they'll be comfortable with opening up to me or something.

I work a low-level job, relatively speaking, so my co-workers aren't educated for the most part. They're hardworking people and extremely talented in many ways (e.g. they can repair ANYTHING and build cars, etc.), but sadly they're close-minded as hell. I don't speak up when my boss says discriminatory stuff to me, and he assumes that I agree with him like everyone else. However, I'm going to use the opportunity to try to educate them, especially my boss. He's leaving the company in a few weeks; I'm getting his position because he says that I'm professional and that I work harder than everyone else. Before he goes, I want him to know WHY I work so hard in the first place: so people like him have no legitimate reason to get rid of people like me. Assuming he responds negatively, I'll simply call him out on his hypocrisy.

Moreover, I worked for the company long enough to earn insurance, and next week I'm going to see if I can use it to help cover transitioning costs.

I'm hoping it all goes well for you dear.

I'd suggest not confronting the guy though. You might not get any benefit from it, and even if you do, he's just one bigot, and he's leaving, and you want the spot, and why roll the dice to modify one guy who shortly won't matter to you.

Thanks!

My boss's bigotry comes from his lack of knowledge/understanding. I think he can be reasoned with: he used to be racist toward Latinx people, for example. I (indirectly) did everything I could to help him come to the realization that at the end of the day, we're all people just trying to get by. Now we're like one big family. Whether it benefits me or not, the world would be a slightly better place with one less homophobic/transphobic person. And although he's leaving the company that I work for, he's still going to work at the same location.

I earned my co-workers' respect, I'm the most qualified to replace my boss, and all of them agreed. I just so happen to be transgender. I've considered the consequences of coming out, for lack of a better word, but I believe that I deserve equal treatment, and I think that I can affect change at my workplace by dropping some knowledge.

Anna Mull wrote:November 20th is almost here. I decided to acknowledge the day at work by not wearing my uniform and instead wear a shirt that references trans* people. It's subtle, but it's better than nothing. My uniform is technically mandatory, but nobody cares, so it's pretty much optional. Regardless, the only time that I don't wear my uniform is on special occasions (usually holidays). So, chances are that people are going to ask me what the occasion is for, and I will use the opportunity to explain what TDoR is and highlight the importance of it.

Sometimes, it is best not to poke the bear.

When I left the US Navy in 1967 I went to work for IBM repairing their data processing equipment. I was required to wear a business suit, white shirt and tie (without a clothing allowance). These machines were filthy places and barely one step above a auto repair shop.

I was tiring of the job after a couple of years and decided one day to wear a BLUE button down pinpoint shirt to work. I stopped by the administration office to 'show off' my new look and for the next two weeks NO ONE spoke to me.

I was asked to leave about a month later, which was fine as I had enrolled at a local uni to begin an accounting program.

Moral of the story - if you poke the bear, know where to run.

Anna Mull wrote:Moreover, I worked for the company long enough to earn insurance, and next week I'm going to see if I can use it to help cover transitioning costs.

Anna, I don't know where you live but in some states, what is covered is covered is negotiated between the employer and the insurer. GCS/GRS may be excluded as most insurers charge extra for its inclusion. States like California mandate coverage and the ACA also mandates coverage.

Fortunately, my job isn't strict with its dress code, as long as our legs aren't exposed (i.e. no shorts/skirts). My uniform consists of a T-shirt with the company's logo and black pants, it is comparatively informal. I wore my work shirt underneath my trans* reference shirt, as a precaution. Though the reference was inconspicuous, and only one person (the youngest person there) understood what it meant.

There's no school this week, so only a handful of teachers showed up on campus today. The two who I assume are trans* men were absent, so I didn't strike up a conversation with them like I wanted to.

None of my co-workers missed, but one left to get their hair cut, another stopped working to play basketball in the gym, and one fell asleep in the parking lot. My boss joked that he isn't going to miss supervising them whatsoever. I spent a lot of the day "picking up their slack".

Anyway, I came out. The reactions varied, but they were surprisingly positive in general. Most of them knew something was... different about me, they just didn't know what. I answered a lot of questions, some of which made me feel a little uncomfortable. I tried to be as tactful/informative as possible. I'm still getting the promotion, but my boss wants to teach me how to become more assertive. Tomorrow I'm buying everyone tamales as an early Thanksgiving kind of thing.

Anna Mull wrote:...I'm still getting the promotion, but my boss wants to teach me how to become more assertive.

You cannot learn to be assertive. You can learn to be tough, not take any shit, but assertive - nope.

You will likely come across as a bully because it is not in your soul to be assertive. That doesn't mean you let everyone/anyone walk all over you. Just stand your ground and you'll get what you need/want.

Anna Mull wrote:... Tomorrow I'm buying everyone tamales as an early Thanksgiving kind of thing.

My Wife went to COSTCO and bought a large package of beef tamales. 90 seconds in the microwave, roll them over and sprinkle some enchilada sauces and yum, yum.

MichaelaSJ wrote:
Sometimes, it is best not to poke the bear.

When I left the US Navy in 1967 I went to work for IBM repairing their data processing equipment. I was required to wear a business suit, white shirt and tie (without a clothing allowance). These machines were filthy places and barely one step above a auto repair shop.

I was tiring of the job after a couple of years and decided one day to wear a BLUE button down pinpoint shirt to work. I stopped by the administration office to 'show off' my new look and for the next two weeks NO ONE spoke to me.

I was asked to leave about a month later, which was fine as I had enrolled at a local uni to begin an accounting program.

Moral of the story - if you poke the bear, know where to run.

I'm a former IBMer, joined long after the white shirt era. It's now completely the other way. I first came out to some friends there to a universal positive reaction. In doing so I learned that most people there assumed I was actually gay but I had never experienced any negativity.
I think if I'd stayed there I'd have transitioned by now.

I think you're very brave Anna. I wish I could do the same.

Hi Anna,

Wishing you the very best and hoping everything goes smoothly with your promotion! Yay!  There are some very good companies out there these days that do look after us, it seems that yours is one of those for the most part. Don't worry about being able to assert yourself, be understanding, simply be able stand your ground when you know for sure, without doubt, you are right. Else let it be known you'll think on it and take advice. Take care sweet girl. Celia xx