a meh sort of day ...

Just another day.

Yer taking it better than I would have dear.

The first sir would have annoyed most of us.
The looks would have been vexing.
The wife though, saying you were male, I mean WTF?
And then she orders as if you were male, and you're presenting as female, and unless she's as dumb as a sponge, the idea you want to be referred to as male....

Shit, I'd have either faked a sudden illness/headache and just immediately got up and left, or I'd have not bothered with the faked illness/headache and just got up and left.

I mean, what are you supposed to say to her fucked in the head question?
"Gee dear, I dunno, what the fuck do you think?"

You need to seriously start communicating with her.

I won't pretend to understand your situation. It's not easy in the beginning. And you will find anyone who has known the old you will have difficulty. Not just in respecting your name and identity. But as you start to explore yourself adapting to the social shift required. Some will be okay or curious but most will be vaguely uncomfortable and minimize contact. It's annoying and isolating. Though you can get through it as you adapt in your transition. There will always be people seeking to hurt you with annoying things like obvious and overloud sirs. I prefer to ignore it, though I am trying to get better at not even aknologing that with me. A bit like not ever responding to my old name or being mindful of how I look at and respond to men.

I have said this often: 'You need to own who you are!'

My Wife and I have entered into a truce. I cannot get out much these because of my health but if we were to go out, I would be in androgynous mode. I can live with that. She also knows not to embarrass me with male pronouns.

I can live with that.

I also have had a deepening of my voice and frankly, I don't try to hide it. If I am face to face with someone in a MEANINGFUL conversation, I announce my pronoun preference. But if a clerk or someone doesn't recognize me as me - fuck it, it is way too meaningless to me to expend any effort in correcting them.

The folk who matter in my life make a real effort to recognize me as me and if they occasionally blow it, so what.

Own who you are and you will find life a lot easier to navigate.
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There is a SHOWTIME series called 'Billions' that I enjoy watching mainly because I understand what is going on. But there is a character who is referred to as 'They', 'Them', 'Their'. Frankly, I would have a very hard time remembering the pronoun usage as I have 70+ years of trouble remembering how to use 'there', 'their' or 'they're'. I would make every effort to use the correct pronoun, but I would have to think about it every time.

We need to remember that the use of gender-related pronouns is not something that we were taught and the occasional mistake should be handled with friendship when appropriate and with a shrug of the shoulder when it would not be worth any effort to correct the slight.

I have no issues with people who are non-binary and prefer they/them. And try to default to that in any situation where someone I don't know appears to be in that space and have not directly indicated a preference. I have had numerous annoying debates with someone I knew about their "non-binary identity" as they always wanted to be he/him and was upset when people got it wrong and outside of social going out situations chose male attire. And going out just meant looking like a femme gay man. I was always like being gay even very flamboyant to the point of drag doesn't make one less male. I disliked it because it seemed to be confusing expression for identity and possibly using the NB title as additional oppression points. I know I am a bit of a reductionist in this regard. To me there is just masculine, feminine, both, or neither. With both reserved for bi-gender or two-spirit mixed experiences and neither for those who are some place between agender and androgyny which always seem to be various levels of gender erasure rather than alignment. Obviously there is still a spectrum there. But I dislike mixing cultural gender expression and social norms too much into gender identity. Because you start to get lost in garbage like being homosexual making a person "not as much" of their gender. Sorry but I have met enough flamboyant gay men and very butch women who while they do it to openly assert their rejection of cultural stereotypes for their gender still are very much at their core male or female. But that's my opinion, and to me I don't have the thick skin to deal with people being wierd because they can't figure me out. Which is likely why I will at some point have additional cosmetic surgery to further feminize my appearance over the next few years lesbian or not.

Even before I acknowledged my 'transness', I did not understand 'drag'. When I considered myself a crossdresser, my clothing was conservative and not sparkly.

I still don't understand 'drag'. Some say it is a parody of female expression. I have longed to be female and I would never think that 'drag' was a way to express that desire. I mostly find it disgusting and demeaning of the female persona.

I am also not put off by overly feminine males or very butch females. They are being who they are: not an apparition of some over-idealized idea of what a woman is.

I also realize that my views are very rigid and that is simply me.

Nothing constructive to add.See post #1.

Meh, drag... Some folks find themselves there and take pride in their work. My joke when someone tries to shame me as a "crossdresser" I will sometimes accept it. Saying that I was at first forced to crossdress as male and good ole Stockholm syndrome sets in so i tried to convince myself things would be better to stay that way. But I got tired of all the lies, subterfuge, and found the role just so very depressing.


I have found the trickiest part of transition is building healthier relationships with yourself and others. As at least for me so much has changed over time I feel sympathy for that person just reading things I wrote from a year ago. But having people who will be there for you as you unpack yourself and learn how to express it all is so important. Because on rough days it's hard to love that person in the mirror as much as you should.

Bleh I need to get dressed and to the pharmacy... No syringes and I get wonky the last day on this new lower post-op dose.

CarolynAH wrote:I have found the trickiest part of transition is building healthier relationships with yourself and others. As at least for me so much has changed over time I feel sympathy for that person just reading things I wrote from a year ago.  But having people who will be there for you as you unpack yourself and learn how to express it all is so important.  Because on rough days it's hard to love that person in the mirror as much as you should.

"Nuff said.

Mmm true enough. Tomorrow is always a new day.