thinking about my youth...

as a kid I always wanted to be a "girly tomboy. I wanted toys that didn't exist like geisha assassin barbie ands g.i. Barbie. I watched a lot of shonoen{anime targeted at young boys} full well fantasizing about being the femal badasses in the series.. what would you call that style.. or mood.... and were would you get that kind of style pink glittery monster trucks but as a tshirt...

I simply wanted to be around the softness of the girls.

I was almost knocked over one afternoon when sitting with a girl I was then dating and her close friend when her friend popped with, 'you would make a great girl'!

What did she know and why was that so confusing to me.

We all move at our own pace and while you may have known early who you are - sometimes it takes a bit more time, a bit more experience and a bit less fear to finally look in the mirror at who we are.

In my distant past, I experienced 'signs' clearly not obvious to me then, that is comically obvious now.

Why was male pattern aggressiveness so hard for me to understand?

I was once crammed into the middle of the back seat in a car between 2 buddies. I was basically squished by two bigger males. Why did it feel 'right' to like it?

I never liked being grubby, never liked my hair messed up, always had to have my clothes fit just right, would never tolerate them in a damaged state.

I tried too hard to hate 'women's work'.

Then much later, I watched anime for the romance, loved looking at the outfits the girls wore.
Not realizing that was why I liked anime. Laughed along with the guys at the silly sums of boobs and panty shots. But it always seemed fake when I laughed. And it felt icky.

In the end, before I realized I was me, I was clearly enjoying role gaming as female characters too much and seemed to understand women more than I should.

luckykunai wrote:I wanted toys that didn't exist like geisha assassin barbie

I want one!!!

Hi Everyone,

I remember at the age of somewhere between four and six.... oh my, that was 1964-67, being in the back of my Uncles car. I told of it once, to someone long ago and I tell you of it now.

I remember, I must have been laying aside somehow, cars did not have seat belts then, mostly bench seats in the back. Because as I recall, I was looking up watching street lights go by, one by one, of Maidstone, I think, going by above me as I gazed up through the car's window.

What I do remember distinctly was thinking to myself, I am a boy, I shall never, ever, be a girl. I don't know why I thought of that then, so young. Maybe, it has nothing to do with how my adult life evolved. I do not know, maybe I knew. It's late....Off to bed!¬!!!! .... else I may cry...

Celia xx

Ty peeps for sharing your stories. It was awesome... There are different types of girls in this world but maybe in this way we can relate.