been gone for awhile

sorry I have been gone for awhile. i need advice though.

I really want to look and act more feminen. I am mtf trans{which you guys know.. this is a repost} but every time I look up advice on how to do this I keep feeling like ether the advice is a bit of a stereotype or it is for the wrong kind of girl altogether. The thing is all of it seems to be to exactly the same kind woman. I wouldn't mind changing my way to being that kind of girl in some ways but I am feeling more Vi from arcane or akali from leauge of legends. but all the advice seems to be around being a dantee flower girl that doesn't take up much room. please tell me that this is not EVERYTHING people imagine a WOMAN CAN BE? sorry caps lock. ist here any advice of where I can turn to.

I do want to be able to swit6ch between badass girly girl and girly tomboy as well. I just can't find the advice onn how to though.

Depends on your age I guess.

Sometimes I try too hard to look sexy and end up looking tragic.
I'm 60, so the average 20 year old can wear things that just look too desperate for my age.

So wearing a bikini brazenly might be a bit 'off'. Eww, just no granny
But I do hippy just fine.

I'm kinda old to be riding a skateboard.
But a decent cruising bike is ok. Glad to see you are active granny.

Wearing makeup. A street tart is a bit off.
But modest lipstick is not bad. Looking good, granny.

Full long blonde wigs are a bit off.
But a modest short hairstyle is ok.

Language. Trucker/sailor is a bit off. OMG god, did you just say that granny?
But old-fashioned expressions that predate this century makes sense.

You need to look like a woman that matches your age.
I admire women of the 60s. And I look like I would.
Trying to look and sound like a cool person born this century, just falls flat.
I should look like the mother of someone born this century, or perhaps their grandmother.

I'm too old to know the world of today much.
When I say role game, I mean Gygax and funny dice.
When I say wargame, I mean something from SPI.
When I say gamer girl, I mean I was that one person in the group that wasn't a nerdy guy.
Role games are not something from EA.
Wargames do not mean Call of Duty.

I climbed trees in my youth. Today, it likely means I'm self-employed not a secretary.

Tough girls can be all sorts of things.
Soft girls can be a lot too.
I suppose a good resource is women's fashion magazines.
They'll tell you how to look. Powerful and not so powerful.
What you see as badass, will be different from me.
Do you even know who SPI was?
Do you know the difference between Makita and DeWalt?
Do you know the perfume that's 'the thing' today?
What was the brand to wear this year?
Influencers. Mine come from the 70s. Not who is the current rage on YouTube.
I don't even know any influencers from this year. And it shows.
But I know the different brands of Teddy bear.

What are your vulnerabilities?
Why are they yours?
What makes you seem 'tough'?
In my case, it's because I never walk with my head down and covered by a hoody.
I look people in the eye. "Yes, I'm transgender, proud of it, oh you don't like those people, heheheh too fucking bad."
What's the latest drug? No fucking clue.
Cultural appropriation? What the hell are you talking about? I wore this 40 years ago.

I'm a stereotypical 1950s housewife. Of course, I am. I grew up with a mother that was one.
I can't relate to wearing pants. My mother always seemed to be in a dress.
My idea of pretty is not wearing ripped-up jeans.
My idea of sexy is not a lot of exposed skin.
I grew up hearing "You are NOT going out dressed like that young lady." You go in and put on something respectable. Som wearing ultra-short cut-off shorts with the pockets exposed is not for me.

I talk like a woman. I don't even realize I sound like a man's voice.
But a man would never say the things I do.

You need to identify your style and make it match how your sister would wear it.
Match your age.
You won't look logical if you look 20+ years off.
My sister was a tomboy. She did all the things I did.
My sister is a tough woman. She is also 58.
She can look 'hot', but she does it right for her age.

Lastly, it is known, that most transgender women try so much harder than most cisgender women. In a line at the coffee shop, you likely will look better than the other women.
TERFS hate us for winning beauty contests. They think we have an unfair advantage.
Which is totally fucking hilarious. Yeah, having a shadow and a pecker is sooo easy to hide in an evening dress. Not to mention upper body size and overly tall. They prefer us to be what they think we are, ugly men in a dress. It fucks them up when we look better than most women.

But most women don't wear makeup much. Most women do nothing with their hair. Most women don't casually wear heels. Most women wear a lot of drab shitty looking clothing.
Most transgender women look like they are going to a fine restaurant. Or a gala event.
We usually have awesome makeup. Nicely kept hair. And better clothing.
We try harder because we perceive the need. Which might be not as important as we think.

It is possible the stares are not "eww a transgender woman", but rather "wow she looks nice."
People usually notice the person that stands out.
Write down how the girls look out of 10 while sitting in a coffee store. Chances are you will have a lot of notations about how they look like 6s or lower. If you see a 10, she might have a dick too. I've lost count of how many fucking incredible looking transgender women D'arcy has shown me. "That's not cisgender? Really?"

I'm beginning to think if the man looks rugged ripped and well-groomed, probably gay.
If the woman is killer hot, hmm, wonder if she is transgender.
I can't recall the last time I saw a yummy hot looking straight man in person.
I can't think of a single cisgender female woman who is a 10 that I have walked past.

So there is a danger of looking too good maybe
Weird eh.

Totally agree with Lesley's assessment but then I'm of the same generation. I think my style is firmly stuck into the late eighties, early nineties. I was watching Dempsey and Makepeace this morning, remember that show?. Makepeace's dress sense is exactly what I like. But to be fair many women of my generation would feel the same. That's when I was young too.

I too was conflicted about what kind of woman I was for a long time. I thought I couldn't really be transgender because I had some stereotypically male interests. Like Lesley I built model tanks and sort of still do. (Meng King Tiger, Lesley). But had no real interest in most of the stereotypically male sports that my Mother loved to watch, Soccer, Rugby, Golf. My Mother was very much a girly girl and a classic Mother and housewife.

I had a strong desire for a particular career and I kind of achieved it but I gave it up to become in effect, a housewife. Quite the irony. I never transitioned but I live like a typical housewife of the sixties, cooking, cleaning and bringing up the children all the while complaining of the long hours my spouse works.

In all of it though I came to one conclusion after I finally accepted myself as a woman. It's simple, you can only be yourself. That's it: Be Yourself.

Once you accept that you can simply run with it. In other words, dress the way you like. Be a tomboy or a girly girl whenever you want. You don't have to ACT 'like' a woman. It's not acting, you're not pretending. You're just being you.

To be fair it's not just transgender people who seek an image to conform too. Look at the people who simply dress differently, wear their hair differently. Just want to stand out from the crowd. You can be transgender and choose an image. There are no rules. I was in the city centre recently and saw a trans woman (or maybe crossdresser). She wore a short leather skirt, black tights, laced boots and a blouse but was all to obviously trans and too old to carry that image. But she rocked it and smiled to someone who acknowledged her. I wouldn't dress like that, well outside of a nightclub on a drag night.

The advice is simple be yourself, choose your style. If you think it doesn't work, try another. The truth is there are no rules anymore.

I love summer dresses for example. I did at one stage think it was a bit stereotypical but of late I see that many women my age wear them when the weather warms up. No high heels though.

So I have several and I don't care what people think.

sorry.. I will be reading in a minute... I have been riding the roller coaster of my mood. I am getting my psych doc to get me an antidepressent.

Lesly. I got a wierd kind of question but it is not really meant to be a question though. I mean it as a complement but UI have to put a question mark on it because of the rules of grammar. so here it goes. You were born in the 60's but you know what a yandere is? LoL... no literally. that is interesting. As for dressing my age.. I have no clue how woman my age are even supposed to dress. will consider what you two have given me here.

I'm a young soul in an old body

I'm to blending of heteronormative romance novel settings, and a love of 90s anime into this century. All while being a demisexual and an atheist.

So I dream of Mr Right (knowing he doesn't exist), and I watch a lot of anime high school romance settings (horribly unrealistic), all while not having any real interest in body types, because I can only love the person inside. Which means I am not bi sexual just because I can be intimate with male of female, because if I don't like the person, I don't care what their body has to offer.
And because there is no God, I lack ALL of the hang ups directed at sex. Which means I don't mind 'D'arcy having play dates, any more than I mind her having lunch with others. It's just sex. I own her heart.

I watch anime through the eyes of a young girl.
Who groans while walking up stairs
And I can enjoy being with a hunky transgender man just fine.
Because it's not about the sex. A man can have a vagina, and be a Mr Right just fine.

you:looking for Mr. right.
Me a pansexual: looking for mr. or ms. right. but a enbby version of right but looks don't matter even though I am in to them and thus have a types not type and then different personalities that I like ontop of that.
You:???
Me: more complicated by comparison.
also Me: LMAO!!!! hysterically!!!

Heheh

Yes, trying to explain sexualities to cisgender persons is a hoot right?

It took me a while to realize I was demisexual. I'm also sort of grey ace. It explained how I could easily be married to almost anyone. It explained why I don't mind sex with anyone, but it's not about the sex. Because I'm really only interested in the person IN the body. I don't have a preference. Unless the preference is I have to like the person.

I don't mind dick and I don't mind pussy. But I don't really need sex. Great sex is fun, but I'd rather go out for a nice dinner. I don't care for unattractive men, and I don't care for unattractive women. But that's because I don't really need sex. So I'm not going to pursue anyone below a certain level.

But if a man is a 10, or a woman is a 10, and they suck as persons, I'm definitely not interested.
They can't be rich enough to interest me if they suck as a person.

Given a choice, I just need one partner. If they win my heart, I stop looking for anything else.
I'm not Bi, because that implies I do it for the gender.
I only do it for the person inside.
Women don't automatically excite me. And men don't automatically excite me.
Dick is just dick, and vagina is just vagina. Some women have a dick and some men have a vagina.

And I have found every permutation of human can suck on the inside

D'arcy has this notion. There are 8+ billion genders. The amount of humans there are.