Ok, so before I begin. All of this I realized while laying in bed this morning. But as soon as I got up, I felt depressed and did not have the urge to post it. I felt I had a duty to my happy self to post this. It's like when I am standing upright the blood rushes down from my brain and I lose my happiness. And I went to the bathroom this morning, saw myself in the mirror, where I did not look like the girl I fantasize myself as. It was not total pain and torture, but made me feel a mild depression and just like overwhelmingly "meh", like this day is gonna suck just like all the others.
So to get started, I want to say that I have some AGP tendencies and fantasies, but I am not a total AGP and this is one of my fantasies that has some non AGP components. What I am trying to say is, sex and gender are not real, and that AGP is actually irrelevant to anything, and that some AGPs are happier with a sex change, while some are not. It will be more clear once I get to the bottom of this thread. For now, what I am saying probably doesn't make any sense to you. Let me begin.
Ok so I want to talk about last night, but it was trauma and hardship for me, and it will ruin the good vibe of me writing about this morning. So I won't talk about last night. This morning I imagined I was at a CVS. And there was a hot guy there, he had spiky blondish orangish hair. And the camera slowly scrolled down, showing his glistening abs, and then it scrolled down and he had a gaping cunt. I wanted to fuck him so bad. And then it reminded me of a google image I saw of a cuntboy, it was a monochromatic image which made it all the more powerful. And he was looking down at his pants and you could tell in his pants he had a cunt and it was dripping wet and ready all over. And this turned me on to no end, I could not get enough of how fuckable he was and how dripping wet and amazing to fuck him it would be. And it kept looping and looping and turned me on over and over. Then I thought about this other one, this dragoncuntboy and it just turned me on so much.
And I felt no shame at being bisexual, such thoughts actually made me feel strong and powerful. And then for some odd reason, I thought about Steven Colbert. And suddenly I just imagined he had a cunt, and I got an instant boner. And I kept imagining I was making out with him. And then I kept fantasizing about his amazing grayish-purple cunt, and his perfect round smooth shaven legs, and how hot he was, and I was licking his cunt and he was moaning and writhing all over and I gave him multiple orgasms and his legs were spread open and he was shaking back and forth vigorously like that goat girl having uncontrollable orgasms. And during this I felt no shame, because in the fantasy I was not a male but a devious futa anime girl. And the type of futa I was was a futa with no vagina, I had a full and big dick and balls, I was fully male and didn't have any essence of a vagina, this is significant to the story, because I was a male but I looked the same as a female and had boobs. And it was significant because I was penetrating Steven with my big dick and he was my bitch, I was mad at him for trying to ban my guns so it was like hate sex. And he was my hot sissy bitch and I was penetrating him with my dick and I said "Try to ban my guns now, I am going to explode my cannon right inside you." And he kept moaning like a bitch and it turned me on so much to dominate him this way.
And this brings me to my point about AGP, this is an example of how my fantasy was
not AGP, like my trans identity was my identity that I just felt comfortable as. The focus of the fantasy was not autoarousal, but my sense of agency and dominating Steve Colbert, Steve Colbert was the focus of my arousal, and my trans identity was simply the person I identify as, the futa dominating Steven Colbert, for mainly political reasons, making him know he is my bitch, that I decide policies, not him. And this made me feel good, happy, and powerful about myself, and I did not feel shame at all.
Second, it also implies that gender is a farce, and meaningless. Because Steve Colbert was obviously of the female sex, and submissive to me, and yet clearly was a man. And I was clearly a male, with a dick and balls, dominating and penetrating him, dominating him even mentally, which made me very much a male, even though I was clearly a woman, both physically and spiritually speaking. Under examination, the fabrics of sex and gender clearly begin to fall apart. I can imagine a functional society where cuntboys are common and dickgirls are common, and the dickgirls regularly dominate the cuntboys, domination is masculine and yet, the dickgirls are clearly womanly and feminine. This creates a paradox which cannot be reasonably countered, and has no logical resolution.
Furthermore, then the fantasy continued. I kept imagining Steven dripping leaking and squirting all over. And it made me feel powerful and I fucked him even harder making him bleed out of his vagina, to punish him for his fascist liberal views of banning rifles and warmongering ww3. And then I said I am happy being a dominant, powerful woman with boobs. I didn't feel AGP to my boobs, you know what my boobs made me feel like? Well the whole thing made me feel tribal, like I was in tune with my true animal nature, that I was no longer programmed by society, and it gave me a big grin of devious futa power on my face. And the boobs felt like this. It felt like a sign of conspicuous consumption, like I didn't need the boobs, but it was a status symbol of superflous power. Like all the boobs did was slow me down and make it harder to run fast, but it was like, this made me feel powerful and rubbing it in your face. Like driving a fancy car or something, its like I could have spent that money on something reasonable, instead of a fancy car, but the fancy car makes me feel powerful and I want to rub it in your face. It's like playing a game on a handicap, just to rub it in how better you are than your opponent. It made me feel like a tribal jungle god with green and fuchsia feathers on me, like on a golden throne. I attain godhood at the slight cost of mobility. And speaking of rubbing it in, I kept imagining rubbing my boobs on guys faces. It made me feel powerful, not in the AGP sense, but that it just made me happy to make them feel happy, like I was an entertainer and it just made me happy to know I brought happiness to an innocent male soul. Then I thought about making Steven Colbert suck my dick and making him submit even more, and it just made me feel so amazing godly and powerful. I kept imagine rubbing my fingers through his head and soothing his hair, as I held his head down in me, and it felt so good and amazing and I literally felt no shame.
Until a sound startled me, and it took me out of the fantasy. I said, what is someone is watching me? And I started to feel shame, like I was naked in the garden of eden, and had tasted the forbidden fruit. After I deemed the sound was not a threat, I forced myself to think of another fantasy. I now kept thinking about that dragoncuntboy, who had a dragon mutation of his dna of his cunt, turning his dick and balls into a dragon-like cunt. And it turned me on so much, and this one was more of an AGP fantasy. Because I could not resist, I tried to imagine I was fucking him, but could not, my consciousness gravitated into his body and I was him. It was like that N64 game perfect Dark, that camera effect of the consciousness gravitating into a body at the beginning of a multiplayer round, it was exactly the same effect, like I had no choice but to be him and could not resist being him. And I started fantasizing about my new dragoncunt and I was dripping wet all over. Words cannot describe the turn on it was. And just like the comics I pretended to try to hold on to my fragile masculinity, I said to myself, I have a cunt now but I am still a boy, and a noble knight, I said to myself while playing with my new amazing dragoncunt. And then a hot guy with abs came and gently spread my legs wide open, utterly dominating me and I submitted. And I put in my mind to try to change him into a futagirl, but could not, the idea of a futagirl penetrating me was not enough for me, it was not violating enough, I needed to be utterly dominated by a guy humiliating my fragile masculinity and completely caressing me holding me and loving me. And as he thrust into me with each thrust it washed over more and more of my fragile masculinity and as he gently push high heels on my beautiful toes gently caressing my feet and leg I began to care less about being masculine, I could care less and was in total extasy and wanted to be his cuntboy sissy bitch who wore hot women's clothes and got fucked by him at all times, I wanted to wear hot leggings and it was so hot thinking about us together and him coming off a rough day at the farm and having me as his loyal sissy cuntboy, he began to put lipstick on me and I looked almost exactly the same as real girl, this turned me on to no end thinking about his giant dick penetrating me and how honest and humble of a guy he was, just a real down to earth farm guy a handsome and loving guy.
This brings me to my AGP thing, this was obviously an AGP style fantasy but this leads me to question the validity of AGP. It seems to me, if you are male, and fantasize about being feminine or penetrated, it automatically gets categorized as AGP, which seems a bit silly to me, it seems like any male who fantasizes about being penetrated while being girly, will automatically get categorized as AGP, like it seems like some kind of funnel where everything, other than a male fantasizing they are the one dominating, is funneled into AGP, because that is how the system is setup.
The other thing I would like to mention is, I fantasize about cuntboys that are not androgenyous. If they are androgynous they are just a flat chested girl to me. The cuntboys I fantasize about have to be masculine in appearance or it doesn't turn me on as much. But if they are too masculine it is a turn off to me, especially if they have gross facial hair. Here is an example of what turns me on.
I am jealous of this transsexual and wish I was her, and imagine he has a big cunt and I have a big dick and I fuck him everyday.
Now in terms of realism and not fantasy, my ideal real-life transition would be this. I am afraid of FFS but deeply want my face to look female. But I am afraid of FFS. So I would just hope hormones do the trick. I also want wide, feminine hips and a nice butt. But I am afraid to have boobs, because what if I don't pass? The other thing is, I am afraid of parents or family seeing me with boobs and judging me negatively. But then 10 years from now I want to be president and have boobs and be an absolute god of society, as an out and proud flamboyant transsexual, lots of makeup but more civilized, beautiful, and cultured than a drag queen, I imagine I am walking down the street, with boobs, and am running for president and worshipped as an absolute god. Now as for my cunt, my ideal situation is this, I finally get laid and put my penis into a vag, and then I finally know what it feels like. Unless it is absolute utopia I somehow convince them to freeze my sperm, even though I am a deviant, then I get a sex change and I will be happy with a cunt, and I think this is what I want. Unless I realize that having a penis is utopia, then I will just be a dick girl. But no matter what I want to look more feminine and I hate facial hair and I want to look the same as an anime female. If I don't look the same as an anime female I start to rage and get angry inside.
Re: Sex and Gender are not real.
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