On the inside.

Today's thought.

If you is ugly on the inside, you WILL be ugly on the outside.

Nothing you say or do will make you attractive externally if internally you is ugly.

Inner ugliness can't be surgically altered. There's no pill to cure inner ugliness. It has to be done consciously and deliberately.

Inner beauty isn't easy to achieve. It won't come casually. You ain't born with it.

Often the only way to witness inner beauty is through another person's eyes. I've tried, and no matter how hard I have tried, I can't see my own inner beauty in the mirror or in a picture. But it is so plain in my fiance's eyes. Not sure what she is looking at, but she's sure looking at something eh.

I'm 'ok' with my external apparent appearances. I DO require a nice hairdo and modest makeup (usually just lipstick), and a nice outfit often with a necklace and a bracelet to feel feminine. Otherwise, my appearance seems blah and plain.

But I've seen my fiance's silly grin while she is staring at me. I must be doing something right eh

Often it takes something soooo small to make yourself look 'better'. Last night, I treated myself and D'arcy to DQ. I bought 1 meal. We shared a refillable drink, shared the fries, and the burger and gave her some of the sundae. The moment I scored points was when I offered her the first bite of the double cheeseburger and told her the first bite was always the best one. She commented, "that's what I like about you Lesley, you're always so thoughtful."

You get nothing from doing nothing. You will always have nothing if you never do anything.
If what you do is always to offer a negative, you always end up with less than you began with. So if you spend the day being negative, at the end of the day you will have less than you started the day with. You have to invest in something to end the day with a chance of a profit.

This is so relevant to us as transgender persons. In the closet you essentially don't even exist to those around you. Until you take the risk, you gain nothing and you lose yet another day you might have had.
Yeah, it is simply too hard or too risky for some.
Maybe where you is, is the problem.
I would rather seek a safer place, and risk dying trying to get there, rather than continue to simply exist, in a world where you didn't actually really exist.
In the closet, you are worse off than dead. Because in the closet, you ain't even really there.

Yes, you can say, easy for you to say Lesley.
But, no, it wasn't any easier for me than for anyone else.
I might have lost everyone, might have lost all my family.
You don't get to know the results of coming out before you risk it.
Canada is not free of transgender people committing suicide from fear that is common to all of us.
I had to risk it all, to get to here.

I came VERY close to ending it all more than once.
My transition hasn't been full of fear. But it sure was scary as hell some days.
And that even after the surgery eh.
This year, I started to gain ground. But during January and February, I suffered some severe depressive moments.

I have kept fighting.
My inner glow has been my best weapon.
My smile is worn on the outside. It comes from the inside.
I am a lot more than the image you see on your screen.
Most of my compliments have nothing to do with my external appearances.

Interesting sentiment. I just don't see it that way.

There are people, who are born physically beautiful, who are very ugly on the inside, and yet they get all the popularity, and compliments, sex, money, and dates.

And there are people, born kind, nice, forgiving, who become physically ugly, and treated rotten by society, not only because of their looks but because, they don't fit it, they don't relate to the customs or social norms of the group, they don't have anyone to relate to, and over time, they become ugly, both inside and out. And its a bit like gravity, once you fall past a certain point, you have no desire to be good, or nice, again.

Angelic wrote:Interesting sentiment. I just don't see it that way.

There are people, who are born physically beautiful, who are very ugly on the inside, and yet they get all the popularity, and compliments, sex, money, and dates.

And there are people, born kind, nice, forgiving, who become physically ugly, and treated rotten by society, not only because of their looks but because, they don't fit it, they don't relate to the customs or social norms of the group, they don't have anyone to relate to, and over time, they become ugly, both inside and out. And its a bit like gravity, once you fall past a certain point, you have no desire to be good, or nice, again.

Not denying you your right to an opinion, just noting, that you clearly failed to read my post with any form of clarity or comprehension. I could refute every point you made, but, there are none so blind as those that don't wish to see. You have no desire to be anything else. And as you are, you shall remain, until you decide to change.

Lesley Niyori wrote:Today's thought.

If you is ugly on the inside, you WILL be ugly on the outside.

Maybe what you are trying to say is that an inner ugliness eventually shows through.

Sometimes

Most people are NOT outwardly ugly. Ugliness depends upon the scale used, but regardless of the measure most people are attractive, at least to some portion of the population.

By most accounts, Ted Bundy was an attractive male. (I won't use the appellation of man because he was a misanthrope). Yet Bundy during a very ugly killing spree murdered countless numbers of women and girls.

When I was around 12, I was briefly in the same school with a student named John Bunyard. We were actually friends for a time and I went over to his house for lunch a couple of times. Bunyard is now serving several life sentences for the acts he committed as the 'Nob Hill Rapist'. I don't recall him being ugly, at least initially. But to agree somewhat with your premise, he did show an ugliness early on when one school period he literally wiped the gymnasium floor with two physical education teachers until the police arrived to subdue him and take him into custody. Mind you, he was physically attractive enough for me to want to be friends. But his eventual display of social ugliness does not prove your premise, only sometimes.

Most sociopaths and psychopaths hide their inner ugliness in a way that allows them to function in society. Most socio/psychopaths are physically attractive and make friends easily. But sometimes their ugliness will show through - sometimes.

So, I challenge the basic premise of yout 'thought for the day'.

Hi Everyone!

Lesley, you know. What you are saying is, people that are horrible, however good looking are ugly. Yes, in this day and age, people have too much social media and stuff to understand what is ugly inside. They don't read the blaggard, the cad, the loser, the idiot anymore. That's why there is increasing divorce. True beauty exists within oneself, rather than without.

As others took you to mean physically though, the only time I think people change physically is after people have commited truly evil acts, then sometimes they begin to look evil. There was that famous American gigilo that looked real cool, but after killing a woman he looked evil and it's frustrating coz I can't remember his name, but I think it may just be true of evil people, which can be good or bad looking people
.
But I can read what you mean from a thousand yards..... I have known some so called Beautiful People that have been far from beautiful personalities and they did not change as they aged. On the other hand, I know some obese, and some unfortunate looking folk that are the nicest people upon God's Earth and they have grown older with me.

In my youth, I was fickle, I went with nice looking guys and yes of course to some degree I still take first impressions and yes, I would like the tall handsome one with niceness abounds.... xcept all those men of my age were spoken for years ago! A guy that has a big heart, goodness about him and truly likes, and then falls in loves me does not have to be Mr. Superbical looking, he can be quite plain, large and reasonably not handsome. I guess I'd give him a go.

Celia xx

I suppose part of the thing, is what actually defines 'beauty'?

We are all conditioned to believe 'beautiful' is something Barbie or Ken doll looking.
But that's so western And North American.
In some cultures, fat means you eat well and are better off. That's considered 'attractive'.

Myself, I consider a great mind to be incredibly appealing.
Myself, I consider great skill to be incredibly appealing.

A kindness of spirit I think exudes from a person. It's like makeup. It just makes them look nicer.

I'm not easily swayed by superficial details.
I have a great many friends, and it isn't because of my looks.
The woman I'm in love with, she's no Playboy centrefold either.
But I think she's beautiful to me.

Lesley Niyori wrote:

Angelic wrote:Interesting sentiment. I just don't see it that way.

There are people, who are born physically beautiful, who are very ugly on the inside, and yet they get all the popularity, and compliments, sex, money, and dates.

And there are people, born kind, nice, forgiving, who become physically ugly, and treated rotten by society, not only because of their looks but because, they don't fit it, they don't relate to the customs or social norms of the group, they don't have anyone to relate to, and over time, they become ugly, both inside and out. And its a bit like gravity, once you fall past a certain point, you have no desire to be good, or nice, again.

Not denying you your right to an opinion, just noting, that you clearly failed to read my post with any form of clarity or comprehension.  I could refute every point you made, but, there are none so blind as those that don't wish to see. You have no desire to be anything else. And as you are, you shall remain, until you decide to change.

The universe put me in a male body. Made my destiny to be male. Made it my destiny to be rejected by society and loveless.

You are asking me to be a Dr. Frankenstein, putting plastic surgery on my body to rectify Nature's tyranny.

None of this is my choice, it is my inaction. The universe did this to me. It has nothing to do with any choice I made. It is the default.

"You are asking me to be a Dr. Frankenstein, putting plastic surgery on my body to rectify Nature's tyranny."

No, I'm asking you to stop the endless whiny bitching and complaining, and the endless never-ending oh woe is me crap that we tired of some time ago.

Guess what, we've all been there, some of us are still there, some are even worse off than you, and guess what, they don't act like you.

Do something, or don't, but stop the blame game. And the moment, I'm willing to suggest you are as much your problem as anything else.

Nature's tyranny, oh please. You've gotten old, boring, please contribute something other than more of the same crap.

Guess what, we've all been there, some of us are still there, some are even worse off than you, and guess what, they don't act like you.

If they don't act like me then there is something wrong with them. If they had to suffer as much as I have, yet don't turn into a bitter misanthrope like me, then they must be a robot with no emotions. And it makes me mad. It's really that simple.

Do something, or don't, but stop the blame game. And the moment, I'm willing to suggest you are as much your problem as anything else.

Depends on if you are old fashioned and believe the body is the self. I am not my body, I believe in souls. But even from the atheist mindset, the brain is the self not the body. So yes, my body is causing me problems, and from an old fashioned viewpoint, the body is me.

Nature's tyranny, oh please. You've gotten old, boring, please contribute something other than more of the same crap.

You were no different but once you got yours you pretend you were different. Every couple of days you posted whining and complaining about how you are single. But now that you have a girlfriend, you dont want to hear the whining and complaining. Look, I get it. You are happy now, and you don't want to be reminded of the denizens still stuck in hell, you want to just focus, be surrounded, by the positive. You dont want unhappy people to kill your buzz.

"You were no different but once you got yours you pretend you were different."

Bullshit, utter bullshit, total bullshit, so many levels of bullshit.

Dear, you have been nothing but negative. Entirely negative, in addition to having almost no connection to the real world.

Yeah, sometimes I post about being upset. Not always, not entirely. I've posted a great deal of really fun nice stuff. You, not so.

I have you on block, mainly because when I read a thread with you on it, the thread scrolls past your content faster. But, everyone that doesn't have you blocked, well, I'd rather like that your content just would end to be honest.

Lesley Niyori wrote:"You were no different but once you got yours you pretend you were different."

Bullshit, utter bullshit, total bullshit, so many levels of bullshit.

Dear, you have been nothing but negative. Entirely negative, in addition to having almost no connection to the real world.

Yeah, sometimes I post about being upset. Not always, not entirely. I've posted a great deal of really fun nice stuff. You, not so.

I have you on block, mainly because when I read a thread with you on it, the thread scrolls past your content faster. But, everyone that doesn't have you blocked, well, I'd rather like that your content just would end to be honest.

Your definition of fun is rather different than mine. Most of your posts are an absolute snoozefest, a total bore like your videos.

It is no wonder you have no interest in reading my exciting and entertaining posts, your definition of "fun" is as dry as an old textbook.

Also, I used to play Hearthstone, but got bored of it, it is pretty much an unbalanced pay to win game. The only time its fun for me is during the tavern brawls, because people aren't allowed to use their special decks.

"Your definition of fun is rather different than mine. Most of your posts are an absolute snoozefest, a total bore like your videos.

It is no wonder you have no interest in reading my exciting and entertaining posts, your definition of "fun" is as dry as an old textbook.

Also, I used to play Hearthstone, but got bored of it, it is pretty much an unbalanced pay to win game. The only time its fun for me is during the tavern brawls, because people aren't allowed to use their special decks."

You REALLY truly ARE just a belligerent little brat in the end aren't ya.
I've never met someone that defines 'fun' the way you do.
Your opinion of my content, is fortunately not the majority.

Exciting and entertaining? Really. How about angry, bitter, and psychopathic and disassociated from reality.

I can see how you might not enjoy Hearthstone. It's not all about you. It requires you to actually try and work to be better. I've never spent a cent on the game, and I routinely kick butt all based on the fact I'm actually just good at the game.
The game is actually entirely well balanced, unlike you, of course, You might be a lot of things, but balanced, sure doesn't describe you.

I don't care what you look like on the outside dear, you sure look dreadful on the inside.
You likely are not even remotely as bad off as you think.
But you sure like the bitch like no one has it as bad as you.

Lesley Niyori wrote:
You REALLY truly ARE just a belligerent little brat in the end aren't ya.
I've never met someone that defines 'fun' the way you do.
Your opinion of my content, is fortunately not the majority.

I am sorry, my love, but your videos have very few views, so my opinion would seem to be the majority my dear.

Exciting and entertaining? Really. How about angry, bitter, and psychopathic and disassociated from reality.

The very definition of entertainment.

I can see how you might not enjoy Hearthstone. It's not all about you. It requires you to actually try and work to be better. I've never spent a cent on the game, and I routinely kick butt all based on the fact I'm actually just good at the game.

I used to play Hearthstone everyday. And I would always lose to people who had better cards than me. Its just an unfair game. Except for the tavern brawl, which I stated earlier.

The game is actually entirely well balanced, unlike you, of course, You might be a lot of things, but balanced, sure doesn't describe you.

True. But nobody's debating that point.

I don't care what you look like on the outside dear, you sure look dreadful on the inside.
You likely are not even remotely as bad off as you think.
But you sure like the bitch like no one has it as bad as you.

I'm sure some starving African has it worse than me. But in terms of American standards not many have it worse.

"I used to play Hearthstone everyday. And I would always lose to people who had better cards than me."

Doesn't surprise me at all. You are likely inadequate in every last aspect of your life (well, so you claim, so I can't be blamed for thinking it).

I don't measure the worth of my videos based on the views. Almost no one knows they are there. But I have made no effort to whore myself out for them.

I won't miss you dear. But, there's nothing to miss.
You are just an anime avatar and a made up name belonging to a miserable pathetic whiney Amercian teenager.

I'm not even in a hurry to even count you among the transgender community actually.
There's no reason to think you are trans. You could just be a hateful cis with a persecution complex.
You have more in common with argumentative troll.

Lesley Niyori wrote:"I used to play Hearthstone everyday. And I would always lose to people who had better cards than me."

Doesn't surprise me at all. You are likely inadequate in every last aspect of your life (well, so you claim, so I can't be blamed for thinking it).

I don't measure the worth of my videos based on the views. Almost no one knows they are there. But I have made no effort to whore myself out for them.

I won't miss you dear. But, there's nothing to miss.
You are just an anime avatar and a made up name belonging to a miserable pathetic whiney Amercian teenager.

I'm not even in a hurry to even count you among the transgender community actually.
There's no reason to think you are trans. You could just be a hateful cis with a persecution complex.
You have more in common with argumentative troll.

Okay, I am done with you. You are dead to me. I used to love you, but not anymore.

In fact if I read in the obituary tomorrow that you were dead, it would actually make me feel slightly good inside.

I hate you, and wish you were never born.

Angelic wrote:

Lesley Niyori wrote:"I used to play Hearthstone everyday. And I would always lose to people who had better cards than me."

Doesn't surprise me at all. You are likely inadequate in every last aspect of your life (well, so you claim, so I can't be blamed for thinking it).

I don't measure the worth of my videos based on the views. Almost no one knows they are there. But I have made no effort to whore myself out for them.

I won't miss you dear. But, there's nothing to miss.
You are just an anime avatar and a made up name belonging to a miserable pathetic whiney Amercian teenager.

I'm not even in a hurry to even count you among the transgender community actually.
There's no reason to think you are trans. You could just be a hateful cis with a persecution complex.
You have more in common with argumentative troll.

Okay, I am done with you. You are dead to me. I used to love you, but not anymore.

In fact if I read in the obituary tomorrow that you were dead, it would actually make me feel slightly good inside.

I hate you, and wish you were never born.

Ordinarily that would bother me, but, you've NEVER loved me, in fact, you've never loved anything, yourself included. You are nothing but hate. Your posts, and nothing but hate.

I'm incapable of really hating you dear, but, then again, you've never existed to me. You're just an anime avatar and a fake name and someone just so full of bitterness and misery and really, it's boring.

I'm aware some can't be out, but frankly, that justification simply isn't going to float here. This is a safe space, and yet, it's not good enough for you.
There's no one here but a few transgender people here, but, that's not good enough for you.
You're not being of any use to me here, and frankly, I didn't come here to be inundated with your negativity.
The sooner the rest of the membership gets tired of you the better.
I've asked Celia to turf you, and I'm willing to wait till she does.

I'm not taking anything you just posted as personal dear, but, that's something that only happens when it's done by a real person. You are not even a real person at this point.
Just a faked persona that doesn't really belong here.
You have nothing in common with anyone here at all.

Do us a favour, and just go away.

You are the oddball here. Why is it that noone else has such venom to me except you? You have some insatiable urge to assault me and be vicious to me.

Why is that? The answer is obvious. I know how your mind works. It is easy to see. You don't even try to hide it.

You pretended to want to be my friend, when you were lonely. But as soon as you found a girlfriend, you had no further use for me, so you immediately discarded me and started back with the venom. You are like a bond villain. Someone who hires goons, and then violently disposes of them when they have no further use of them.

If I can't relate to most people here, it is because most people here are from a different generation. I can relate to trans people of my generation, like Lenneth for instance. But you don't want to see it, because you are a viscous and evil person.

I have talked to some transwomen for 8.5 hours straight. Some I can only talk to for 5 minutes before getting bored. Has nothing to do with gender. Has more to do if someone has a higher mind. I enjoy talking to people who have higher minds. Interesting people. You are not interesting. You are standoffish and evil.

You go on your narcissistic exhibitionism bragging about how you are famous in some small local newspaper. But you were the only transwomen in town at that time. You were literally their only option, and you brag about it as if it makes you special. And then, when you find a girlfriend, more narcissistic exhibitionism, you have to brag about it to everyone and recieve praise and validation about it. But your narcissism doesn't even stop there, you only feel good about yourself if you go around attacking people like me. And even that is not enough, it is not enough for you to merely bully me, but you have to cross certain lines as well. You have to cross the yellow tape. But you've angered the dragon, and passed certain barriers that ought not to be crossed.

You say I'm juvenile? That my insults don't hurt? I am freaking dragon. And you go on your rants bragging about how you have the mind of a 6 year old. If my insults don't hurt then you have serious psychological problems. Like inability to feel emotions or shame. And yes I was in love with you at one point, but not anymore. There are certain lines you never crossed and now I see you for what you truly are, just pure evil, and without any rhyme or reason behind what you do.

Now lets talk about your videos. You went on a narcissistic rant, about how great your videos are and how popular you are. Your videos have about 10 views, and I'm one of the people on the planet who's even watched them. And when I offered advice of how to improve your videos, you got butthurt and went into a narcissistic rage.

Lets examine more of your statements: "Im incapable of hating you." "You aren't even a person."
That sounds like the ramblings of someone with severe psychological problems? I'm not even a person? Really? You sound delusional and insane.

I would say this. You have annoyed me to the point of being worthy of a song. So let me sing a song to you.

Actually I give up. I couldn't find a song. Oh well.

In the real world, you'd realize, I was never your friend, no you were never mine.

In love with me at one point in time? Hmm, I'll pass.

Enjoy your next forum.

Lesley Niyori wrote:In the real world, you'd realize, I was never your friend, no you were never mine.

In love with me at one point in time? Hmm, I'll pass.

Enjoy your next forum.

I will certainly enjoy it more than this one. Know why?

Because you're not in it.

Angelic sounds like Demon

...and neither (they are the same, BTW) has posting privileges anymore - maybe sometime in the future is she can control her outbursts.

Hi Miki and Michi!

The ban was imposed by Beth until midnight 31st December 2018. It was clear that they should not answer each others posts and both were given fair warnings. The ban shall double each time it occurs, that is if they wish to return of course and both mods have my clearance to impose bans for infringements of the rules, found on the introduction page. I wlll support Miki and Beth to the hilt. Rebecca is a rare visitor, but she too has the ability to ban.

I don't like barring people, particularly two of our most regular members. They need to understand though, should these boards be viewed by transgender women and men as being a hotbed of flame, they will most likely not wish to join. We have to co-operate, we have plenty of people that dislike us. Disagreement is fine, we encourage strong discussion about anything.

Bans, (I am not directing this at anyone, just reminding,) will be considered for personal attacks, calling vulnerable people out, asking for photos, proposing dates, sexual innuendo and insults directed at other members.. they all are unacceptable.

There is good reason for all of these prohibitions, not least internet protection for individuals, preserving the boards integrity and protecting vulnerable members from being hurt by personal attack. Celia xx