Poll: What is you preference?

Hi Everyone on the old boards we had a poll started about sexual preference and how some people's preference had actually changed after HRT. I thought it would be a good idea to reopen the poll! So what is yours? Anyone can vote!

I voted used to be women, now both, but, in truth, I think I am the option not listed, demisexual.

As explained to me by my fiance, demisexuals are not attracted to a gender, but, to a person.
So that makes me a D'arcy sexual actually

D'arcy is a pansexual polyamorous person. She's currently a pre-op transgender woman.
She's had plenty of variations of partner and has had more than one partner at a time.

And now, she finds herself coping with wondering if she really wants anyone else other than me
I have essentially shown her something she herself has not experienced. I guess we are that compatible.

In bed, I thought "OMG I need a man", but since I have been with D'arcy, her being a woman has made me completely discard my man obsession. Sure, I might not mind playing with one, but, that's all. I can see D'arcy and me inviting a man to our bed, using him and then telling him, "that was fun, you can go now."

We are both very much in love though, and I think neither of us has felt this much in love before.

My preference pre-Miki was a woman (and specifically the woman I chose to live out my life with). She mostly accepts me and that is my current preference.

If my marriage was to be terminated for some reason, I would live the rest of my life without a sexual partner. Would still like a close friend and my choice would be a woman.

I consider myself to be 60% female, 30% male, 10% guilt. (Or, in other words, 30% male, 70% female.)

Well, thank you girls for responding to my liccle poll! I fully understand guilt Jehanne, I have lived with feelings of guilt, vulnerability and plenty of failed relationships all my life through and I have always been treated like a doormat coz it's how I am. My hope, my everlasting sense of optimism and my happiness with my sexuality has also been strong throughout my fairly complicated life, else I don't know how I would have survived. 10% guilt? I used to have lots more, but I have to admit, now it's very much lower and mainly coz of feelings towards Mother. She always wanted a daughter and now she has one. Sure, she accepts me, but all I get is criticism. I see her regular these days after many years apart..

The poll shall last 100 days, it is a setting I deliberately chose, for it gives newcomers a chance to let us all know a little bit more about them and their life. I am certain that I am not a complete freak, in being the only one here that has always liked men and also wishes to retain my special little thingy until I die.

Why not simply have remained an effeminate gay man, you may well ask? Answer: I simply am not a man. It has always been like this for me, were I to become the 'complete' woman, I immediately lose that specialtyness, the mystique, the exotic and erotic many men like. I become the mundane, maybe just an old uninteresting bat to most men. I lose an amazing advantage over cis women and I would perhaps not strive so very hard to try and look my very, very best at all times.

That is not to pooh pooh those of you that have undergone or considering SRS, it is my outlook and that outlook is sure not unique to me.

I also fully understand Miki's post quite well. My very best friends are cis women and were I to enter a purely platonic relationship, it would be with a woman, I have little doubt of that. We are, as I always said, complicated and every human is different. Please don't slay me for being different to you, understanding each other is something we can all learn from. Celia xx

I put in always both but in truth it varies back and forth. In the early years I always preferred girls nevertheless my first and still ongoing crush was a boy in my class. Also my first ever sexual experience was with a man. I was of course presenting as a woman for him. That was age 31.

If my sexuality was on trial in a court of law I think I would be found guilty of being gay. The majority of my encounters were with men, just one woman appears in my defence. But it's not as if I wasn't attracted to women but they weren't interested in me. Which was odd because I was actually good looking. But my relationship with girls was invariably platonic until I got married and even that relationship while loving is celibate. I remember getting on particularly well with one girl and was close to actually making the next step and ask her out when she realised my interest was more than friendship. Her obvious surprise spoke volumes. I retreated mortified.

Looking back now I realise that perhaps women sensed it in me. Indeed perhaps they simply thought I was gay and in the closet. In fact a gay guy did try and get me interested but I missed all the signals. So he saw it too.

I get what you're saying Celia,

I immediately lose that specialness, the mystique, the exotic and erotic many men like.

. I've met several men over the years including the first guy I mentioned above. I met him fully dressed but had to change to go home and he insisted he didn't want to see me as male and put me in the back of his car so he wouldn't. The same with the last guy I met plus a couple of others. So I get it. I'm not sure that those kind of men are exactly relationship material but they were always nice to me. They used me for sex though of course. But I wanted to use them too to affirm myself as a woman.


Myself I want rid of my 'special little thingy', donate it to someone who might get better use of it. But I'm stuck with it unless imagining it away ever works. I wrote about recently how I spent the entire weekend as myself. When I had to change back into pretending to be a man. I noted it has shrunk to the smallest state I've ever seen. I think he was worried. Chop, chop.


I do feel that if I was ever to undergo SRS my preference would be men but I will always remain open to both. I am perhaps demisexual to use Leyley's new word. It's the person that comes first. I suppose that's why I'm with my wife. I wonder really did I ever find her sexually attractive. I love her though.

In all of my transition, the hardest part has been feeling 'unwanted'. Marie, there's more to the day, MUCH more in fact, than sexual moments.

Even after the surgery, being alone is what it is. You will STILL feel horrible after surgery if you have no one. I'm very happy for you that your wife has remained. I'd rather be pre-op and in a relationship, than post-op and alone. Well, I'm not fully sure of that statement, to be honest. That thing so totally had to go. But I was still very much hurting from feelings of rejection a year past the surgery.

The surgery is vital to some of us, but being alone always hurts intensely for a lot of us too.

Yes Lesley, I was alone long enough to know I didn't like it much.

In a funny way I have got exactly what I wanted all along. Even though I didn't recognise this is what I wanted. Here I am effectively living the traditional female role. A housewife with young children. I cook, I clean and look after the house. I don't have a job which is no great loss as I hated most of my jobs and preferred to be at home. I have women friends and my wife is a good provider. What's not to like?

But I desperately want to transition, live openly as a woman. But I jeopardise all of the above by doing that. I might end up alone, a pariah even. I am not a survivor. I wouldn't cope well in that scenario.

Ideally I would transition and continue as before except now everyone would call me Marie. That is not impossible but it's unlikely. I think it's a common enough dilemma for many of us. Do we risk what we have to achieve what we need?

Yes it might be better not to transition than to lose what I have. Perhaps if my wife was more open to it. There might be a compromise.

Celia Eriksson wrote:Well, thank you girls for responding to my liccle poll! I fully understand guilt Jehanne, I have lived with feelings of guilt, vulnerability and plenty of failed relationships all my life through and I have always been treated like a doormat coz it's how I am. My hope, my everlasting sense of optimism and my happiness with my sexuality has also been strong throughout my fairly complicated life, else I don't know how I would have survived. 10% guilt? I used to have lots more, but I have to admit, now it's very much lower and mainly coz of feelings towards Mother. She always wanted a daughter and now she has one. Sure, she accepts me, but all I get is criticism. I see her regular these days after many years apart.. Celia xx

A little message board humor on my part, but, I, too, am full of guilt, which, apparently, some biological men do not feel much of.

So far, I've only dated bisexual women. I think that's interesting, in hindsight.

I'm not attracted to men. Since discovering that I'm trans* and accepting it, I started avoiding romantic relationships; I'm currently presenting as male, and it feels wrong and disingenuous. I've turned down quite a few advances from women (to the point where some of my co-workers think I have a thing for dudes  ), and I haven't dated in years. The possibility of them finding me attractive because of my male charade is a huge turn off and confidence destroyer. As a result, I have virtually no sex drive (although gender dysphoria in general contributes to this). So, in a way, I'm asexual... at least for the time being. However, when I transition 'full-time', I'm certain that I'll start dating other women again. It'll be as frightening as it is exciting.

So, to summarize, I'm asexual until I transition (physically and socially). When that happens, I'm lesbian. Although limited in options, I guess that it's a good thing that the poll is multiple choice.

HRT most likely won't change who I'm attracted to, but it will give me confidence and allow me to honestly pursue romantic relationships.

I used to be like Celia and Anna. But not anymore. It's like that episode of Flutterbitch. Used to be like that. But now I am strong, demonic. Fighting against that mental weakness I was born into.

I know the government gave me feminizing chemicals at an early age, to make my mind female, but have a male body. I know it is part of the conspiracy. But I fight against it. I try to be strong minded. No longer do I feel guilt for merely existing. I'm not happy as a man. But if I'm a man by damn I ought to have a relationship with a female, and not feel guilty about it. It's my right as an American. And I won't accept this tyranny of banning prostitutes and craigslist. Gov thinks that if they pump you full of chemicals at an early age, it will make you just mental accept their tyranny. Actually the opposite. I'm piping, steaming mad. I am hatred and resentment incarnate. Trump thinks that if he goes around acting like a womanizer, he can ban craiglist and not have me mad. I see through it though, I know trump is a fake womanizer and the end result is he banned craigslist, and I am not pleased with him at all, I know he is a square even though he tries to act like he isn't.

Something I havr been trying to deal with lately. I guess always visually attracted to women, but always been attracted to the mind of the person first before wanting to make the beast with two backs. As for guys? Don't know, I could see the fun to be had, that's for sure. But umm, not meet one who baked my biscket so to speak. I generally don't like being in a room with guys any way, always found it werid. Still it's all accademic as married, and she's happy to use the "toy" box when the mood takes me. What I have noticed since starting HRT my sexual preference has shifted from being a top 90% of the time to now wanting to be bottom 90% of the time. So very much a game of her turn my turn sort of thing. Still finding things difficult to finish though.

Abby wrote:Something I havr been trying to deal with lately. I guess always visually attracted to women, but always been attracted to the mind of the person first before wanting to make the beast with two backs.  

Same here. I consider it to be a mental illness I have. It's kept me celibate. Thats all my life is...being celibate and miserable for years.

As for guys? Don't know, I could see the fun to be had, that's for sure. But umm, not meet one who baked my biscket so to speak.

Biscket. Don't know what that is.

I generally don't like being in a room with guys any way, always found it werid.

I can relate. I generally don't like being in a room with anyone. Except for good friends. And if I had to be trapped in a room for eternity I would rather it be a room full of girls, lol.

 Still it's all accademic as married, and she's happy to use the "toy" box when the mood takes me. What I have noticed since starting HRT my sexual preference has shifted from being a top 90% of the time to now wanting to be bottom 90% of the time. So very much a game of her turn my turn sort of thing. Still finding things difficult to finish though. 

I was always a bottom, as a teen I used to be submissive but now I have a dominant personality. Being a bottom has nothing to do with being dominant or submissive, for instance if a dominatrix does oral she is a bottom but still a dominatrix.

Bisket, a British for cookie type snack which you can dunk etc.
Umm, perhaps i use the term differently. By bottom I mean I prefer to have my prostate stimulated by anal, rather than sexual stimulation by using my willy. Nothing to do with dominate or submissness in the way I see it.

Try not to see at as a mental illness, it's just being picky on who you hook up with. I have a friend who claims he slept with around a hundred women. ( Girls fall into his arms, it's a personality thing rather than looks. And he does seem to have a away with certain types of women.) But he can't form a stable relationship, were as another male friend has only had one partner on his life and married her. He is not religious, just found being in the bedroom difficult. He was in his early 30s before he meet his wife.
Just don't beat yourself up over sex. It's just 10 mins of physical exercise followed by endorphin release. If life is hot chocolate, then sex is the toping wether your into marshmallows or whipped cream or even both with extra sprinkles.

My sister is drop dead gorgeous. No really, she's the sort of person the phrase was meant for.

At 54 she's still able to easily outdo girls 20 years younger. 20 somethings have nothing on her other than maybe having babies.

And at 54, she's still single and has no luck with men at all it seems (well aside from attracting the wrong ones).

All her life, her appearance has essentially made the deck seem stacked in her favour.

I was married 27 years, and with luck, I'll beat that record with D'arcy.

And I most assuredly don't have my sister's looks. I do have something she doesn't have though. Just not sure what it is.

This might sound like I'm contradicting myself, but I've at least entertained the idea of being bisexual. I'm not physically attracted to men, but I have an easier time bonding with trans* people, regardless of gender. Trans* men are more appealing than cis men because they are more relatable; we're two sides of the same coin. Conversely, trans* women are more desirable to me than cis women for the same reason: the trans* experience.

I'm quite content with being single, but if/when I start dating again, I'm most likely to be with another trans* person, preferably a woman, because that's what I've always been physically attracted to at least. Though trans* folk in general, regardless of gender, are easier to hang around and form bonds with. So I don't know if I can completely count out trans* men even though the physical attraction isn't there.

This is so hard to explain.

Not Strange at all Anna.

Oh, I was soooo positive I wanted the cliche out of my romance novels.

Everyone has heard my constant blatherings about men.

And then reality sets in. "Ordinary hetero men", simply ain't ready for a transgender woman regardless of how supportive and ally like they might be, they grew up in a world where we weren't.

The ONLY men I have dated, were either considering me a gay man for a gay relationship, or chasers looking for a weird experience. I've yet to actually date a single honest to god ordinary hetero man.

The love of my life, my fiance, is as transgender female as me. Is still pre-op, wants to be post-op like me as soon as doable. We are both women, so I guess that means I've entered into a lesbian relationship. Neeeeeever saw that coming. My fiance claims to be both polyamorous and polysexual, and yet, she says she's now wondering if that was serious, as she only wants me now.

Anyway, the bottom line here is, you likely are correct, that you might only wish to consider another transgender person for an intimate relationship simply as only we can know what it's like.

Abby wrote:Bisket, a British for  cookie type snack which you can dunk etc.
Umm, perhaps i use the term differently. By bottom I mean I prefer  to have my prostate stimulated by anal, rather than sexual stimulation by using my willy. Nothing to do with dominate or submissness in the way I see it.

Try not to see at as a mental illness, it's just being picky on who you hook up with. I have a friend who claims he slept with around a hundred women. ( Girls fall into his arms, it's a personality thing rather than looks. And he does seem to have a away with certain types of women.) But he can't form a stable relationship, were as another male friend has only had one partner on his life and married her. He is not religious, just found being in the bedroom difficult. He was in his early 30s before he meet his wife.
Just don't beat yourself up over sex. It's just 10 mins of physical exercise followed by endorphin release. If life is hot chocolate, then sex is the toping wether your into marshmallows or whipped cream or even both with extra sprinkles.

My life is neither hot chocolate nor does it have the whip cream on top.

I am a nymphomaniac after years of repeated isolation, being uncomfortable with my own body and sexual frustration with no release, thank to these retarded puritan values in our country where I can't even get a decent hooker.

Its ironic, people say all I care about is sex. When I never get any. And these people get laid once a week or more. It's like a fat person, shaming a poor person for obsessing about food. When the poor person is starving and never has any food.

Closed poll

Late bloomer / borderline a-sexual.

I've always found the shape of a woman more appealing.
Women are open to emotions. That is attractive, so that makes me a Demisexual I think.

After that I think I'm pheromonal or something.

What is your best place for hookups? I found only this review https://www.happymatches.com/blog/hook-up/hookup-meaning

When my Wife comes through the front door or sometimes when she comes in through the garage.

Hi Kimi,

I don't do casual. So I don't do hook-ups, I like to get to know somebody well and let the relationship grow, I've got better over time in knowing if he is only wanting sex and that's all.. but it has been quite some time anyway. Quietly becoming an old maid, but there is a present hope atm.

Celia xx

kimimilese wrote:What is your best place for hookups?

The bedroom.

I'm pretty easy but I don't have sex with strangers.
I need the whole GFE. Gotta have chemistry.

If you're transitioning talk to the shrink.

I'm in no mood for compromise so I like to get it while it's good and run when they bring up cohabitation. I say that up front.

• I'm a transgender woman
  
• I'm never getting married again
  
• I don't want to play house.
  

Careful out there.

I just now found this topic. The poll's closed so I can't vote, but I use to be exclusively into women. Now sexually I'm into both. I can never be in a relationship with a man, I might be able to have a summer fling, but I can't see spending the rest of my life with one. I can get attached to the physical aspects of being with a man, but I can never become emotionally or romantically attached to one.

This is a relatively recent development. It happened around 30. From the time I started having sexual desires until the age of 29 I couldn't stand men. In porn his parts were just something I had to put up with, if a man whipped it out to pee outside it absolutely disgusted me, and the restroom, with the attached shower facilities, at a water park was absolute hell for me.

Then around 30 a switch flipped. Not only did I not mind seeing them, I actually sought them out. Not only that, but I wanted experience with one. I wanted to go the slow route that most girls take (I won't go into details, but with a lot of women I talked to there was a gap of days, weeks, even months between their first sexual experience and their first time with full-on sex, and I wanted that experience), but it went from something that disgusted me to my new obsession.

I've been told on the old site and elsewhere that I was just overcoming repression, but that's not it. I don't repress. I fully embrace my attractions. When I was told by my dad at the age of 12 that my attraction to pregnant women was inappropriate I didn't overcompensate by convincing myself that pregnancy was disgusting the way repression suggests I did with a man's rolling pin. I was just more discreet about looking at pregnant women when we went to town.

I did that with every taboo. When I developed a crush on my cousin at the age of 13 I didn't let her know for obvious reasons, but I didn't suppress my thoughts. My very lifestyle is taboo. Contrary to what my mother says when she finds one of my bras ("I hope you're not into queer kink") it's not a sexual taboo, but you don't have to look far to find that it's a taboo to a lot of people. I never once repressed. I indulged in secret while I lived with my parents and when I can find an affordable place to live (or my parents pass away) I'm going full time.

Interracial dating is a huge taboo in my family. That's not why my parents never met the black girlfriend I had when I was 28. I've flat out told them that if I meet the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with I couldn't care less if she was white, black, Asian, or chartreuse as long as she shared my values. The only reason I didn't introduce them is because I didn't want her to worry that their racist dumbassery was hereditary.

So I don't repress. If I had any interest in any part of a man in my younger days it wouldn't have been "this is wrong. I've gotta get rid of this part of me." It would have been "I like this. I just need to find a way to indulge without my parents finding out." If I would have been interested in guys at the age of 16 and I found a guy who was interested in me I would have gone to the woods with him just like my friends from the church youth group.

The only difference is instead of talking about politics and philosophy before finding an open field to wrestle in (we were all aspiring WCW stars in the day) we would have started holding hands just as soon as we were out of view of the house and headed toward a grove of trees that, looking back, would have been the perfect love nest. Since my parents knew nothing naughty was going on between my youth group friends and me they would have been none the wiser to the fact that my new "friend" and I would be heading to the woods for a much different type of wrestling.

So I'm not sure what's behind the change. I went from absolutely hating the magic wand to strongly desiring it literally overnight.

My attraction to men has gotten stronger over the past decade, but it's all physical. At first I just wanted something like you'd find in a pride of lions. A male comes up to a female, mounts her, then they both go on about their business. Now I want to hold hands with a man while my other hand isn't occupied (I've held hands with men, but it was always during fun time). Until last week the idea of kissing a man disgusted me. Now when I'm out, whether disguised as a man or presenting naturally, I'm always on the lookout for an opportunity for that first kiss.

So it's been quite the progression. When I learned about marriage I went from aromantic/asexual to homoromantic/asexual (I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with another woman, but I didn't know anything about the whole sex thing). When puberty kicked in I became homoromantic/homosexual. Then literally overnight I was homoromantic/bisexual.

I include the homoromantic because, despite the increasing desire for physical acts of intimacy that don't center around his giggle stick (hand holding, kissing, embracing, walking together with my arm around him/his arm around me, that cute little habit girls in my school had of walking with their hands in their boyfriends' back pocket) I am incapable of emotional intimacy with a man and likely never will be capable.

I've gotten to the point where I can spend the day with one. In fact, the idea of having a boyfriend is alluring as long as he has no desire to cohabitate. I even like the idea of having someone I can call a boyfriend. Someone I can go out with on our days off, walking through stores hand in hand (or hand in pocket. Seriously, when I saw my classmates with their hands in their boyfriends' pockets it was absolutely adorable). Someone I can cuddle with in the tram while touring a ride-through cave. Maybe even someone who will steal a kiss while waiting in a line.

But he would have to be willing see me as a placeholder and accept his placeholder status. I'm only there to provide temporary relief for his loneliness and to meet his physical needs. He will know going in that he needs to keep looking for someone to meet his emotional needs, and that he won't hurt me by leaving me for that person. I'll simply move on. In fact, I might even be the one to introduce him to the person he leaves me for, knowing that he might leave me for them.

I won't necessarily leave him for another woman because I'm holding out for a woman who will let me have boys on the side (it's a surprisingly common arrangement around here among couples in my age bracket where one or both people in the relationship is bi so I have high hopes), but even if he never finds a person to leave me for he'll need to accept that a woman will get my heart and all he'll get is shared use of my body.

I like thinking about the giddy thrill of public displays of affection with a man, but I also like that idea with women. With women I can have the deep talks, both relationship and whatever's on her mind. When we're walking around in public I'll be there to be with her, not just bringing her along or tagging along on an errand we'd otherwise be running alone.

My conversations with men can only be about the particulars of what we're doing at that time ("if you hit it through the center chute it's an easy hole in one," "how long do kangaroos live? Is it possible that any of these might be one I saw when I was 4?" "They told me the top of the arch would be hot during the summer, but I didn't think it would be this hot"). "Where do you want to go next" will just be shorthand for "how are we going to kill time until we can be alone?" "Where do you want to eat" will just be a polite way of saying "how do you want to build up energy for our impending carnal activities?"

I'll be dragging myself away to leave my wife for work every day and I'll be rushing back home to her, but if a man isn't undressed or at least unzipped he has no reason to be in my home and I have no reason to be in his for longer than a good night kiss.

So my preference is men for physical intimacy, women for physical intimacy and everything else.