My 7-year old daughter saw Celia's picture.

She was sitting next to me, and said, "Whose that girl?"  I thought that it was so cute!  Little children are often cuddly honest; when some of them turn into teenagers, many retain their open honesty mixed in with being obnoxious, but, that's another post!

I suppose that one can get an idea if one is "passing" or not by walking by a group of teenagers!

This is a negative thread for me. Because I don't pass and little kids harass me. So it paints a false illusion of falsity, pretending that life is good when its not.

Well how sweet, thank her very much Jehanne.

I am always dissatisfied with my look and strive to improve and I'm forever changing avatars on the sites I use, it shows a bad side of me, vanity. I just had £5,000 of dentistry...… vain, vain, vain and am having other stuff too, it's my main spend. Hoping to go for nose alignment next year too, .... Celia xx

Celia, revel in it, bath in it, bask in it.

Drink it in dear.

Life dealt you a pair of twos and you've managed to exchange that for 3 aces, not a bad hand normally

If the bills are being covered, why not spend some on yourself if you can.

New teeth, likely a better purchase than some great shoes or a fancy piece of jewelry or a new car.

Once my bills are paid, I enjoy my money guilt-free regardless of what I spend it on.

I need another model like I need another hole in my head. Won't stop me from buying one eventually though.

Celia Eriksson wrote:Well how sweet, thank her very much Jehanne.

I am always dissatisfied with my look and strive to improve and I'm forever changing avatars on the sites I use, it shows a bad side of me, vanity. I just had £5,000 of dentistry...… vain, vain, vain and am having other stuff too, it's my main spend. Hoping to go for nose alignment next year too,  .... Celia xx

You're a very lovely woman, Celia!

Angelic wrote:This is a negative thread for me. Because I don't pass and little kids harass me. So it paints a false illusion of falsity, pretending that life is good when its not.

I don't pass, either, sister.  In fact, other biological men like to refer to me as "bud" (usually, "Hey, bud...")  It's quite amusing.

Still, when I am in my full skirt with shoulder-covering tee and sunglasses, I have not been harassed (yet); some "long stares" and a few dirty looks, but I am walking at around 4.5 mph, and so, there isn't time for strangers to figure out what exactly is under my skirt!

Passing, the whole concept of passing.

Ok, I've had a 6-year-old ask her dad, "why is the man wearing a dress"? The dad said "that's because she's a woman." So yeah, out of the mouths of babes eh. You can TELL if you 'pass' rather accurately sometimes.

I had some young girls and an older woman mistake us for persons wearing Halloween outfits just today. So yeah, mundane clothing, but, it was a 'costume' to some. They had inquired politely enough, but, D'arcy was kinda annoyed. She told the woman we are transgender, and no, it's not an outfit.

Does this really bother me?
Not for a heartbeat.
Why? because it really doesn't matter.
If you're going to beat yourself up over 'passing' I'm going to let you. Just don't expect me to want to watch or listen to you beat yourself up about it.

Yeah, some people are drop dead gorgeous. And they are made to be discounted as having brains. Because 'smart' people are usually not gorgeous. No, I don't really support that, but, it's a cliche for a reason. Because too many DO believe it.
Some transgender girls look just like cisgender women.
But they ain't. And if they are pre-op, they get to deal with it the second it matters. No one escapes eh. And even the gorgeous among us, well, eventually you can't hide that it isn't a real vagina.

I am treated properly as a woman because it's clear I expect to be.
I act like a woman, because, I AM a woman.
If you ARE a woman, and you want to LIVE as a woman, you have to shut up and make it happen. Or not. If you refuse to take that step, you remain where you are.
All life is a risk eh.

You win the lottery, you go on a vacation, and get run over in an accident in the perfect vacation spot. Life comes with no assurances, ever.
So don't say you ain't going to even try to be your real self just because the mirror doesn't provide the image you require first.

Someday hopefully, I can get Celia and Jess out to the Left Coast so we can admire each other and applaud what such great ladies we make.

I spent last night and most of today in the Stanford Hospital Emergency Department with a possible stroke (nope, can't get me down yet).

I was dressed femininely with my hair down, no make-up. Since I am a frequent flyer at the hospital, they have marked my charts with 'Prefers Miki'. Invariably, the doctors and nurses/nurse practitioners/physicians assistants call me miss or Miki.

I have to remind some of the non-certified staff and one guy today could have gotten under my skin after being reminded twice that I prefer miss/ms/Miki. He continued with Sir. You know, life is simply too fucking short to give into the misanthropes who cannot extend the courtesy of calling you by who you wanted to be called. FUCK EM!

Lesley Niyori wrote:Passing, the whole concept of passing.

Ok, I've had a 6-year-old ask her dad, "why is the man wearing a dress"? The dad said "that's because she's a woman." So yeah, out of the mouths of babes eh. You can TELL if you 'pass' rather accurately sometimes.

I had some young girls and an older woman mistake us for persons wearing Halloween outfits just today. So yeah, mundane clothing, but, it was a 'costume' to some. They had inquired politely enough, but, D'arcy was kinda annoyed. She told the woman we are transgender, and no, it's not an outfit.

That's why I prefer sunglasses while in a skirt; I just ignore everyone.  If someone did ask ("Are you a man?"), I would just politely respond, "No", or, more likely, just shake my head.  Some biological women do, after all, look like men, and vice-a-versa!

"He continued with Sir."

I think it is unlikely that a hospital in the US is much different than a hospital in Canada (at least I hope they are similar), in that they likely have posted somewhere to the effect that they have expected forms of communication, and expected forms of behaviour from the public.

And they usually have a posted 'mission statement' that is meant to ensure the public is confident in the quality of service.

On being in a hospital, and treated insufficiently, and being called 'sir' is surely 'insufficient' treatment, I'd likely become immediately a source of not so nice verbal response. I'd almost definitely make references to the targets job security and a potential to need to seek a new one.

"That's why I prefer sunglasses while in a skirt"

I'm fond of using very obvious earphones and making it plain I'm listening to music.

It's hard to offend me with verbal comments I can't hear.

Lesley Niyori wrote:And they usually have a posted 'mission statement' that is meant to ensure the public is confident in the quality of service.

I drive down hundreds of streets in a given month and every street has a speed limit. I try to drive the speed limit but don't always. I would appreciate a pass from the occasional ticket - if possible.

Lesley Niyori wrote:On being in a hospital, and treated insufficiently, and being called 'sir' is surely 'insufficient' treatment, I'd likely become immediately a source of not so nice verbal response. I'd almost definitely make references to the targets job security and a potential to need to seek a new one.

Have you now become an internet hero getting folk fired for simply annoying you with a 'Sir'.

You should try being an African/Hispanic/Asian something for a lifetime before your start tossing the 'I'll get you fired', schtick around like you own being discriminated.

Lesley Niyori wrote:"That's why I prefer sunglasses while in a skirt"

I'm fond of using very obvious earphones and making it plain I'm listening to music.

It's hard to offend me with verbal comments I can't hear.

And, with the "Halloween comment", they may have been insulting you; sorry to say that, but, it's not Halloween yet!  There are, of course, rabid conservatives even in places like Canada, and so, eventually, you'll encounter such folks, sooner or later.

Still, there is doubt, isn't there; namely, when someone encounters you, they, "no doubt", have doubts about your true (or, at least, previously true) anatomy?  But, you owe them nothing, no explanation at all!!  We all agree with that!

The Russian secret service has a good technique that works well at least in the West, one that has found its way into a Star Trek episode or two, namely, "If you want to keep something a secret, hide it in plain sight."  I think that the same technique applies to the issue of passing.

"Have you now become an internet hero getting folk fired for simply annoying you with a 'Sir'.

You should try being an African/Hispanic/Asian something for a lifetime before your start tossing the 'I'll get you fired', schtick around like you own being discriminated."

Are you suggesting that you 'like' being a victim?
Or you are merely ok with being treated poorly?

Your second comment is dangerously close to the same sentiment that inspires people to believe they can be 'more transgender' than other's Miki.

Here in Canada, if something is wrong, it is wrong. And you have the right to object to every instance of something that is wrong.
If you are not going to object to every instance of being called 'Sir', then I guess it means less to you than it might to another. It doesn't mean you have to object to honest mistakes. You made it clear the person was doing it repeatedly. THAT is unacceptable. I never overreact on a single instance.

I'm not planning to fight for YOU Miki, if you make it plain I'd rather not wish to. In a world of millions of transgender persons, I simply don't have the time to cover all of the community. Especially for the anti-social, and the belligerent ones in our community.

You might want to stop being contrary for the sake of it.

"And, with the "Halloween comment", they may have been insulting you"

Yes, they might have been.
They might also have just been mistaken.

If you look only for the negative, it tends to be all you find.

I've been trying hard to get D'arcy past what I call the 'paranoid phase' of transition, the part where you instinctively always think everyone is talking about you, always thinking ill of you, always looking at you.

The truth is, most people are NOT even noticing us. A laugh can mean they are just laughing at something, it doesn't have to be us. Sometimes they ARE talking about us. It doesn't mean it is automatically negative. Sometimes they are looking in our direction. It doesn't mean it is us they are looking at. It could be in front of you or behind you.

It is a dangerous form of paranoid arrogance, that life is always about us.

I've been in the paper, and yes, damn near everyone KNOWS me. Because I talked all about me.
So yes, they know I am transgender, and a woman and I am post-op and divorced and I have a son. And it was an article in the early part of June. And I am still getting people saying they read the article and it was great and they are impressed with my bravery.

And since then, it has been very hard to think my town is overrun with hostile negativity.
Because I have proof it isn't.

The woman was civil when she was talking to me and D'arcy. She had made some mistaken presumptions. I corrected them. I moved on.

It's not like there are NO unpleasant people in town. I've seen some, not many though. And chances are they would be 'unpleasant' to a wide array of cisgender women too. Some people are just unpleasant inherently.

Jehanne wrote:

Angelic wrote:This is a negative thread for me. Because I don't pass and little kids harass me. So it paints a false illusion of falsity, pretending that life is good when its not.

I don't pass, either, sister.  In fact, other biological men like to refer to me as "bud" (usually, "Hey, bud...")  It's quite amusing.

Still, when I am in my full skirt with shoulder-covering tee and sunglasses, I have not been harassed (yet); some "long stares" and a few dirty looks, but I am walking at around 4.5 mph, and so, there isn't time for strangers to figure out what exactly is under my skirt!

Personally that defeats the whole idea of being a woman at least for me. My idea of being a woman is to become more psychologically at ease with the world. I have a fantasy of being adored and publically accepted. And just treated like a girl and becoming one with nature. People giving me mean stares like I am a freak is not my idea of a good time. It seems no different to me than my life as a man.

The other thing, the bud thing, reminds me of another, related point. Not talking to Lesley I bring up the Halloween thing out of my own volition. I was going to talk about Halloween anyway.

So anyway, its like at Halloween. Here is the metaphor. At halloween you are a pirate or something, or a princess, pony, turtle, whatever. Doesn't matter its just an example. And someone comes up to you and is like, "Hey nice costume". And its like wtf man. Ruins the whole idea of it. It's not supposed to be a costume, its suppose to be real. Because when someone points out that its a costume, it admits to you something uncomfortable: That you are stuck being whatever body you are trapped in. And that others wont treat you the same because of it.

Say one morning I have a revelation. That I realize my whole life I had the mind of a lesbian the whole time. So I write down on a paper that I identify as a lesbian. And the psychological survey scans my brain and says I have a real lesbian mind. 

So I go out to a club, slap on a dress, and then, I notice the lesbians just treat me like I'm a man. Its like I identify as a lesbian. I want to be a lesbian. But I cannot escape the body I am in. And people will treat you a certain way based on your body. And you can try to pretend it isn't so. That just by wishing it away and slapping on a dress people will treat you how you wish. But in my experience it doesn't work like that. It only works when others are on the same page, willing to participate in the mutual cosplay, fellow LARPers. And you will find, the elitist Larpers, who have really good outfits, look down on those who have outfits that just don't pass. And that is why passing is important.

Lesley Niyori wrote:Are you suggesting that you 'like' being a victim?

Oh, fuck you Lesley

Lesley Niyori wrote:Or you are merely ok with being treated poorly?

No, but apparently my life's experience is vastly greater and my skin much thicker than yours living your simple, sweet, safe, little hamlet up there in Canada where everyone knows you, eh.

Lesley Niyori wrote:Here in Canada, if something is wrong, it is wrong.

Let me remind you of what is wrong and needs to be corrected in Canada: (Caution if you love small baby animals)

Angelic wrote:And that is why passing is important.

I agree; it is.  Of course, there are simply things that are more important; I am sure that you would also agree.

Mmmm, the comments are getting fractious again and a complaint has been made, please tone it down Miki my friend, and thank you for not reacting Lesley. That pic made me sad Miki, remember there are many nations guilty of that kinda stuff and whilst on the one hand, intelligent folk know that not all Americans condone guns and 2, I am sure there are many Canadians that don't condone bashing defenceless, innocent little Seal cubs with clubs....   . The UK has banned such stuff long ago, thank heavens.

*opens an eye, stretching claws lazily*

This is the only warning.

Yes, things went off the rails a bit here; that was definitively not my intent with the OP.

Forgiveness and reconciliation, I hope, as always.  And, so, if you would, lock this one down.

Yes will do. I'd be happy if we all tried to get along better. Firstly we are a small community and secondly we are not youngsters, we should be setting an example. Let's not have to keep shutting things down. We are all different and all have quirks, let's be accepting of everyone's quirks, else we are no better than the fascists.

Lock down.