getting the courage

I finally got the courage to make a male profile in my Tinder account. I have always had dysphoria of my male appearance being shown to others. I don't know why. As a kiid I was into girly things. But also into legos. 

Anyway, I finally got the courage to make a male profile so I can finally get laid. Except I lost my phone now so I can't use Tinder. 

Everyday I don't feel right. Like there is a hole in my heart. I don't know if its because I feel like I'm trapped inside a body. Or because noone loves me. Or both. 

I've been trying to fight my dysphoria for a while. Because people told me noone will love me if I'm trans except for guys because I look hot. And I want a girlfriend. Lesbians dont want me because I dont pass. So I said I have to make a male profile on Tinder. Theres no other way. I dont know why I was born with this dysphoria. But its ruined my life. Whenever a girl would flirt with me, I would always feel unworthy. Like I had to be a beautiful woman to be worthy of affection. But im finally getting the courage to fight those feelings and make a male tinder account. But now I lost my phone, so go figure.

You need to make a choice dear.

If you are a girl, a male profile is about as useful as a wooden nickel.
Because while a male profile will attract girls, they are going to be looking for a man.

The guys ain't going to be interested in you for being trans for the reasons you want.
I've been there. All you're going to find are guys looking for a gay experience or outright gay men.
Which is about as far away from gaining a girlfriend as you can hope to get.

My fiance is a transgender female, and she's a regular complainer about her appearance. Routinely worries about her ability to pass. The bottom line though is she found someone, me. It happens.

I'm no paragon of pretty. And she didn't need to be more than she is for me too.
But we are both women.
I long thought I had to find a man.
Turns out I was wrong, clearly.

You need to just accept that chances are you are wrong on several things, or, you might as well just stop trying too.
If you are a woman, act like it, be that woman.
If you can't accept your appearance, it's likely you will project the wrong attitude, and people respond to attitude as much as anything else eh.
It's a well-established truth, women like confidence.
If you exude zero confidence in yourself, chances are your chances of success are about the same dear.

As I understand it, you are still quite young.
Exploit that while you can.
There are a lot of things that are a lot easier for the young that are quite a challenge for anyone my age ya know.

And after 3 years of the online dating scene, I'd suggest you just go out and meet people in person. People tend to be a lot more real when they are standing in front of you.
I'm only engaged because I met her in person.

I'd say you are 2/3's right. Yes something about the computer makes people more cold to each other. In person people act nicer. 

And yes, dating a female is objectively superior. Because females are more nurturing than most males usually. They have healing qualities. Most males don't have that special touch. Some males are good in bed and have a nice dick. But they don't have that magic touch that some women have. With dating males its like dating a best friend. It's kind of like true love. And kind of magical. It's better than being alone. But not fully magical or fully satisfying ever.

The other thing though, I googled it. This alpha male coach says if I man up I will get more dates the older I get. Because once I get older I will have more money. He said it sucks to be male before age 30. Males before 30 don't have any game or confidence, and don't have any money or anything to brag about. He says once I get more money women will like me. Only the problem is, I think my brain is a mix of male and female. I have to fake being a normal male as if I'm hiding things from people. But to be honest it doesn't seem all that different from other males. It seems like most males are being disingenuous about their lives, that most males put up a front in order to get attention. Anyway, as a male, I just wish society was more accepting of my mtfness. Because I think my rightful thing is to be an mtf with a tomboy female. And thats the rightful way of it. In fact my world vision is that half of males become MTFs. And date cis females. So that humankind can still reproduce. There is so much right in this statement that that is how I feel the world should go. Someone who didnt judge me because I was male. And someone who never forced me to be a stereotypical man.