5 years later

Been on the real road for 5 years. Some things, well you never really beat some things.

I've been having some bad days recently. I avoid washing my wigs, dumb, but I do. The thing is, every time I do, it seems they shed like mad. A wig shedding is to a bald girl the same as losing your hair for real. It's stressful. And yeah, 5 visits to the salon, is actually more expensive than even really good wigs, so it's not like having real hair is better than using wigs.

But it isn't just the hair, although yesterday it sure as hell was.

I've been battling an indestructible cold. Which triggers and or plays off my fibromyalgia which sucks away 40% of my youth on a good day. So operating on what feels like 30% energy makes life very trying.

And my nerves have been worn. Several important people in my life dying on me over a span of 3 months, Feb-April, economic uncertainty and preparing for a major life event (wedding) has ran my mind rather fragile.

So yeah, being post-op is nice, living in a quiet transfriendly town is nice, being Canadian and having everything covered is definitely nice. But don't ever think that there's likely to be a day when life just gets easy in the life of a transgender person.

I hope I'm not sounding too much like a whiney brat with first world transgirl problems.
I probably am.

Chasing after my appearance seems like a never win challenge.
The idea of walking out the door in ratty clothing, no wig, no makeup is probably not wise for a cis girl either. But, it's not a choice I get to make. I'm realistic. It's NOT a choice.

Hang in there, girl. There is a good chance tomorrow will be different and hopefully better.

One step, one step, whenever possible practice acts of self care no matter how small.

With weddings... I know it is a big emotional thing... an amazing thing! But don't make it any more complicated than you two can handle it is just a performance for your friends and family of you two committing to your bond. What is important is what you two have together.

Hi Lesley,

Sorry to hear you have that condition, for it can only be remedied with relief, not cured. As Miki says, better, less stressful days in twain ahead.

Celia xx

Yes sometimes it's hard to see the positives particularly if you're unwell or stuff is happening you can't control.

I'm feeling a bit down myself today, a friend was killed in a plane crash on Thursday, him and another pilot. Looks like they spun in from low altitude. I've lost four friends in plane crashes now plus several acquaintances.

Hard not to get depressed about it all But chin up as they say. As if it was that easy.

Sorry Marie. Losing those you love is brutal. My heart is with you.