How are you with reminders of "the bad old days"?

Just curious to know how the rest of you feel about various reminders of your "before" time. I really hate my birth (given) name, so much so that I think I would actually hold it against a man with that name. I see pictures of me from before and it is really bizarre. On one hand I know that's me, but it doesn't look like me. On the other hand, the transformation is remarkable.

I was looking through a picture album earlier today and I ran across some photos both before I started transition and some very early on. It's the strangest feeling I don't think a cis person could ever understand. I know it's me, but it doesn't look like me. A term I've used in the past is "it's like remembering someone else's memories".

But to the original title of my topic, I really don't like seeing old pictures or being reminded of my old self. I would be happy to erase pretty much all of that and just appear from the ether a few years ago.

Even that isn't really accurate. I had a lot of experiences before I transitioned that define me, some of those experiences define me more than transition does, even today. And I talk about those experiences freely and openly. But I do so because those experiences are not gender specific. It's only when I get to gender specific topics where I really start to get uncomfortable.

Anyway, if anybody can relate to this, I'm sure it's those of you on this board.

Funny to see this question just now, as I was checking my email, and had some correspondence from a credit card company using my birth name. It was a bit of a cringe, but not terrible.

I don't hate that name, as it is a family name on both sides, with various uncles and a great grandfather, but it always feels like a mistake when I see it applied to me, either now, or from times past.

As to photos, childhood pictures are mostly fine, as I wasn't the only tomboy among my sisters. Teenage through young adult are much harder for me to see, and I mostly avoid them.

I'll let you know when I am closer to being done with the 'bad old days' However, if I look back at where I was 20 years ago, and all the suffering that sitting on it doing nothing caused...... yeah those were some bad old days. I remember two of my best friends tried to convince me to transition when I was like... 17, but I was scared they even brought it up because I never told them, they just knew. I saw a picture of the three of us in a photo booth from that same year and wished so badly that I hadn't been so afraid to go for it then. I had some other bad memories from people who didn't know running into either my female-related possessions, or into me when I wanted to dress and feel normal. I remember being afraid to answer the door a lot of times. Those people all know and accept me now. So.... these days are surely getting better. Like the fab four line "Getting so much better all the time" =^_^=

My given name is Michael Anthony and I chose to feminize my name to Michaela Antonia. I am not trouble when someone uses my given name and if there is going to be more that a brief encounter with this person, then I will gently remind them of who I am now.

If they persist in using my given name, I simply get up and walk away. If they can't respect who I am then they don't reserve my respect to give them a reason for me walking away.

Hi Miki and Kidagakash,

I do hope that the bad old days are over for you Kidagakash, I had enough of my own and am through them by a long chalk! being in your 30's, you have plenty of time, trust me, things will get better and easier.

I knew that of your name, of course Miki. I remember you telling me so.

Names are strange. People go through their entire life with names they do not necessarily like, for they did not choose them!!!!

As for me? Well, I think I have written upon this before.... There is a female variant of my given/dead name, but the Anglo-Saxon habit of shortening names does not work with it, let's just say the first three letters are Rag!

My name is not very shortenable. I chose my name simply because I liked the name, without knowing well anyone else of my name. There was a girl at school that had it, but she was not in my eye or a friend.

The fact that I still like it, it's been with me for over half of my life, first inward and then outwards, though some shorten it to 'Sill', or Seely (not really a shortening...but), it's fortunately hard to do and in speech is corrected by me, rather like Miki says she does. But, in the written word 'C' is quite acceptable.

Off to bed soon anyway girls.

Celia xx

Celia Eriksson wrote:Hi Miki and Kidagakash,

I do hope that the bad old days are over for you Kidagakash, I had enough of my own and am through them by a long chalk! being in your 30's, you have plenty of time, trust me, things will get better and easier.

I knew that of your name, of course Miki. I remember you telling me so.

Names are strange. People go through their entire life with names they do not necessarily like, for they did not choose them!!!!

As for me? Well, I think I have written upon this before.... There is a female variant of my given/dead name, but the Anglo-Saxon habit of shortening names does not work with it, let's just say the first three leteters are Rag!

My name is not very shortenable. I chose my name simply because I liked the name, without knowing well anyone else of my name. There was a girl at school that had it, but she was not in my eye or a friend.

The fact that I still like it, it's been with me for over half of my life, first inward and then outwards, though some shorten it to 'Sill', or Seely (not really a shortening...but), it's fortunately hard to do and in speech is corrected by me, rather like Miki says she does. But, in the written word 'C' is quite acceptable.

Off to bed soon anyway girls.

Celia xx

I hope that they are waning fast too, thank you. Your name is lovely. My given name can be changed to several female variants, none of which I am very fond, except one but it's too androgenous. I Like the name Ariel, or Sierra. Or both together.

Hi Kidagakash,

Ariel is lovely, I do know of some guys called Ariel too though, there was/is a musician in a band called Mott The Hoople called that, it would put me off of the name. But Sierra is a very nice name too, perhaps that is a better choice if you do not already have a name that you like, I'd say go with it, Sierra Ariel!

I honestly cannot remember when I chose my name, it kinda fell into my lap, subliminally or otherwise, as I say, I liked it. Other names I do like include Lucy, Tabitha and Jane... were I in the unlikely event of naming a boy I would go for George, Kent or Scott. One thing is for sure, be ertain that you like any name, for once you officialise stuff and all the hassle that goes with it, you don't want to have to do over!!!!

Celia xx