Thoughts,vague ideas and pleasant tangents.

My father was a pastor, and when I was a wee lass, we spent three years in Tanzania as he taught in a seminary there. We lived in a remote area, where the idea was to set up a self-sustaining operation, where the students would have classes in the morning, and work the farm in the afternoon to grow their own food. There was veg and chickens, and probably other things I'm not remembering. I still remember the smell of rows of tomato plants in the tropical sun!

The EAA DC-3 trip was the first leg of the return journey back to the States. From Cairo we went to Europe, and from there to JFK on TWA, I think it was. That was the first airline trip that I actually remember, though as I previously mentioned, we had flown BOAC to get there in the first place.

Ah, those where the days when flying was glamorous and completely out of reach for  the average person. I was born too late

Good  nite

I do not have the access to take the wheel here.

But I do practically live in a trans support/social chatroom/forum site. I am one of the mods there too. Quite active. At least during American Awake Hours.

If y'all want the link, hit me with a private message. I feel I have "advertised another site" more than I ought already.

Frankly Kaibeth, this forum is now unmoderated. We're drifting rudderless in cyberspace. You can post anything.

There are no mods, no one is in control. Neither me, Liz or Tara or you.

Post any link you want. Within reason obviously.

It's just us. We are our own mods. One morning when the subscription terminates, we'll be greeted by a blank screen.

But it's our playground for now.

A couple of weeks ago I messaged Mikki because Celia had made her a mod. So far no response.

When I exited myself in a fit of self pity, some time ago. I later tried to rejoin. Anyway the long and short of it I ended up being in contact with Michaela Perata who I presume is related to the hosting site. She said she'd email Celia. Which duly worked out.

So I've emailed her again but without reply so far.

Anyway it doesn't matter much even if it's a bit of an intriguing mystery.

The forum seems to be misbehaving.

I’m so glad you heard back from Micheala (Mikki). She had been very active here, but had had some health challenges.

So the mystery of Celia continues.

I am sorry to be so hit-and-miss around these parts.

For anyone who is interested, the chat/forum/newsletter site is HTTP://transgenderheaven.com Do not let the "appearance you must subscribe" fool you. Membership is free. There's just perks for paid members.

It's sad to see this place falling to the wayside.

Thanks kaibeth. I'll definitely have a look. Yes it's a pity about this forum. Yet we're still here. Just the four of us it seems.

Our own private club in one sense.

But really we need more people. More experiences and more opinions.

So it seems both Celia and Mikki are absent. So we're moribund.

I just saw Marie join the chat site.

I should have mentioned there is a ten-minute delay before one can join the live chat because we need a moment to weed out potential bad actors.

Shame everyone suffers because of a few trolls, but, that's how it goes.

Yes I did and I think I saw you noticed me but I got overwhelmed. I'll have to explore things. I'm wary of toxicity. But I suppose I'm just paranoid.

It's late here so tomorrow I'll have a proper look.

Tomorrow morning. I'll run my boys to school. As I've done for ten years or so. But tomorrow afternoon they'll have to come home alone. They are well able. But of course I worry. They are and always will be my babies.

But I have a new job and it's time they learned to use the bus.

I suppose I was too protective but tomorrow they come home and I'm not there. I naturally overreact to that idea. I hope they don't.

Yes, changes. My babies are old enough to have their own babies. Does that mean I don't worry about them anymore?

As if! As you said, Marie, they'll always be my babies.

Sam here. My son, my youngest, turned 41 yesterday, my daughter turned 44 last month. I not only worry about hem, but their kids too.

The gradual letting go as they grow up is not always easy, but it happens no matter how we attempt to hold on.

We are always a parent I guess.

I drove them to school this morning with a heavy heart, feeling it was the end of an era. I  suppose it was. But in reality I'll be driving them to school tomorrow.

I had to be at the airport for 13:00.

But my boys are no snowflakes. I called them after I finished. They had decided to walk home. They are scouts after all. It's only 3k but uphill. It only as they said, took them forty  minutes and they apparently enjoyed it.

WHY was I  worrying?

The both have  bus passes now. Plus bicycles. So they've a choice.

I  know I'm being over protective. I can't  help it. I've been with them more or less  full time since they were  toddlers.
I  once had to explain to my boys that  most Daddies didn't  stay home and mind  them and cook and clean.  

But obviously I  did something right. I'm proud of my little  men. They just took it in their  stride.

Your post made me smile. You did indeed do something right. Be proud.

I am heartbroken tonight. A very good friend passed away last evening. I don’t know why yet. She was a bright, vivacious trans woman who lived her life with joy and a huge bright, ever present smile.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Liz. May you take comfort in your memories of her.

Very sorry to hear that Liz. I've lost a few friends over the years. It's painful.

I've written  a couple of posts here of late. Then deleted them. This might suffer the same fate.

It did

This is my kkkk

That was almost like a combat turnaround.

Airports are always such a busy bustling places. Except at night, then they seem like the loneliest places on earth.

The weather was nice today so I worked outside most of the day. Also made a loaf of sourdough bread. I’m finally getting it down.

I have a huge pile of tree branches and will be adding to it soon as I prune my fruit trees. Also have a spruce tree to take down. It just up and died last year. Then I need to take down a line of about 20 overgrown arbor vitae threes. So I bought a wood chipper that mounts on and is powered by my trac5or. It was delivered yesterday so I spent most of the day assembling and adjusting the machine.

If the weather cooperates tomorrow, I’ll be able t4y it out.

Yes it does bustle at times then goes really quiet. It's also the coldest place on Earth or the hottest depending on the season.

It was cold this week. We actually had snow which is rare in March for us. It didn't last long, there's heat in the spring sunshine.

On Monday I took advantage of the snowy conditions and made my first outing as myself since I moved here. With the conditions I knew everyone would have their head down and not paying much attention to me. I drove the local shopping park as they like to call it.

I was a bit nervous and I got a fright when a man in a car glanced at me. But I carried on and did some window shopping while realising no one paid me any attention at all. I relaxed and went into a department store and began browsing the summer dresses. I came across a mirror and saw what everyone saw. A rather frumpy, slightly overweight woman past her prime. I was quite happy with that and emboldened I went into Boots the pharmacy and had a look at the makeup. I need a slightly darker colour than my current foundation.

In the end I realised I didn't care if I don't pass perfectly. But no one stared or commented so I probably did.

I drove home feeling perfectly content. Almost too relaxed because as I left the car I saw a neighbour out at her car. She didn't see me but if she had she wouldn't have recognised me and I didn't fancy having to explain.

Anyway the snow is gone now. So thoughts turn to my garden too. It needs tidying and some spring flowers . My daffodils disappointed again. Only four flowered. So a cull is in order. I also want to put in a raised bed by the back wall because right now it's wasted space. That and mini greenhouse for tomatoes or similar. It's a suntrap in the summer.

If I can fit it in with my job. Although it's largely early starts and finishes or late starts. So I'll make time.

I was pleased to find out that nearly half of my new colleagues are women. I'll fit right in.

I got home late last night from a trip with my Mum and my sisters, visiting some elderly relatives in another state. It was a mostly lovely trip. I had no issues with airport security, and restaurant wait staff referred to us all as ladies.

Now back into my usual day-to-day.

I guess I’ve always taken for granted that I didn’t. Then I started watching women I judged to be approximately my age. In doing so I came to the realization that it’s all relative.

I certainly don’t pass as a 20 y/o woman, but before I started transition at 58, I didn’t pass as a 20 y/o man. That’s when I stopped worrying about passing, and the best part is, I think I look better than the average nearly 70 y/o woman.

Meanwhile, while trying to live my life, I’ve never been misgendered or treated badly. My theory is that once I gave up the notion of passing, the associated uncertainty diminished and growing confidence took its place. People perceive uncertainty and fear in others, see vulnerability, and some attack or behave as jerks.

Anyway, that’s my take on the matter of passing