negative people

So I was feelin sick the past few days. No libido, persistant cough.

This morning I started to fantasize about sex-changes and transsexuals. My libido went back and pleasant feelings went down my spine. Specifically I was getting turned on by the idea of a sex change in other transsexuals. Something about the emasculation of it. It's like, they used to have a penis, the penis penetrates, the penis dominates, now they just have a gaping hole, and it feels willingly submissive, +someone I can relate to, which turns me on.

So I went to google for images, first thing I see is a blog that says 'tranny chasers are gross."

And I realized something. There are so many negative people in this world.

You know, some people call me a negative person, but I didn't start out this way. I got this way by being bullied, shamed, rejected and ridiculed by this world.

And it's like, transwomen are gonna shame me about my sexuality. It's like I was feeling good lusting after transsexuals. But now they are gonna say it's gross, not allowed, and shame me.

You know my whole life I tried to be a positive person. But people always dragged me down. Said mean things to me on the internet and real life. And this is an example of how I am not the villian, in fact I am a victim. I am not the villian here, I am a victim of society. Plus I am a victim of being born male, the main thing I hate about being male is that noone loves you and everyone says you are gross. The other thing about it is, I hate that you look gross and have gross body hair all over and dont look pretty, also hate the BO too.

And yeah I will admit, Ive been negative at times. For example on vacation with my female cousin. She was a lesbian. The whole vacation I was miserable. Miserable at how happy she was and how I was stuck being male and not a lesbian. Made me stew with anger the whole time. But again not my fault, physics gave me this body. Its either DNA or people with blogs oppressing me.

Negative sometimes has worth.

Not always, but sometimes.

If you are not your own friend, well, you can't expect anyone to like you if you don't like you.
People will invariably avoid negativity if they have any good sense. If you eat sleep and breath negative, you likely will end up doing it alone.

You seem to have an active hate for men.
You seem to have an active hate for penises.
I know I sure hated mine.
But I don't hate penises, I just didn't want one.
I've met a lot of dismal examples of men, but I'm aware they are not all bad. Just the single males my age in the area it seems.

I have found people I can dislike in ANY group. Cis, trans, all sexualities. That's life.
I didn't enjoy my second date being someone that just wanted to use me as an 'experience'.
That shit doesn't fly under any permutation of situation though.

I have found great friends from all sorts of places. Places I would have found unlikely. In churches, among groups of older women, and among groups of older men in male-dominated interests.

If you don't look you won't find. If you don't try, you won't succeed.
You are not going to be liked by everyone.
You are not going to be hated by everyone.

If where you live is the problem, don't stay there.
Don't say you can't leave. You can ALWAYS leave.

Lesley Niyori wrote:
You seem to have an active hate for men.
You seem to have an active hate for penises.

My hate for penises was in the olden days. Don't recall ever saying I hated penises.

Also, who and what I hate depends on the calendar. I put on the calendar who to hate and when. Some days I hate old bullies, other days I hate men, other days other stuff. I only have so much energy I can hate by, have to spread it out throughout the month. So if I make watermelon jokes its unfair to call me a racist, because for all you know two days later I will go on some rant about all the things I dislike about white society. You got to think in terms of the greater timespace.

If where you live is the problem, don't stay there.
Don't say you can't leave. You can ALWAYS leave.

Can't leave, I have social structures and systems in place and I need to stay at my base for the time being.

"Can't leave, I have social structures and systems in place and I need to stay at my base for the time being."

Cryptic and vague and non-specific.

If you are not going to offer a real explanation, then you can't expect any level of understanding on our part dear.

Lesley Niyori wrote:"Can't leave, I have social structures and systems in place and I need to stay at my base for the time being."

Cryptic and vague and non-specific.

If you are not going to offer a real explanation, then you can't expect any level of understanding on our part dear.

Got friends and family here as support structures, plus all my insurance is set up here, this is basically my base of operations, I'm stuck here for the time being unless I stop being poor or something. Basically, its like Star Wars, and I'm Admiral Tarkin, this is my moment of triumph, they are about to legalize weed here so why would I leave?

Reading your reply and I am just realizing something.

I both hate Lindsay and like it.

I want to leave and yet, I should be glad I am here.

I have my doctor/dentist and friends, and I have a church community and a friendly town overall.

I live in a nice apartment and several that have been here said they liked it.

But the dating sucks.

Not really a sufficiently viable reason to discard all of the good so I have a likely barely improved chance of being refused in person by a few more men eh.

Lesley Niyori wrote:Reading your reply and I am just realizing something.

I both hate Lindsay and like it.

I want to leave and yet, I should be glad I am here.

I have my doctor/dentist and friends, and I have a church community and a friendly town overall.

I live in a nice apartment and several that have been here said they liked it.

But the dating sucks.

Not really a sufficiently viable reason to discard all of the good so I have a likely barely improved chance of being refused in person by a few more men eh.

That seems logical, but also keep in mind much of dating is done online these days, so I would, personally, if I was you, try to get a makeup artist to do your makeup, and post the best pic you can muster online. Even if you don't look as good in person, the men will in the back of their minds have that pic of you whenever they finally meet you in person.

It's like advertisement. Doesn't matter if the product is as good as the ad. People will buy it anyway if the ad looks new and shiny.