On hold, the story of my life.

Now this is a real struggle, yet again.

I suppose I should be getting used to it. But this is seriously insane.

Patience is one of my better virtues, but it's wearing thin.

I had my surgery lined up and had it taken away from me when my Medicaid was taken. I'm not as worried about this as much as I am for something else.

I can always go back and reapply and I should get it again, especially with the pandemic.

However, the pandemic is also putting me on hold with something that I'd had such a hard time setting up.

As a Veteran, I get most of my care from the VA. I love the Staff and the care is actually better than what I was getting with the insurance from my job when I was working.

I was supposed to start Laser on my face March 9, 2020.

But, it was put on hold owing to the fact that a major component of those machines are ventilators.

Yes, the very same ventilators that are used in life support are used in laser Hair Removal.

I'm torn up inside because thinking about how much I've been put on hold due to outside influences makes me feel so impatient and selfish, and I don't like feeling like that.

I know those machines are desperately needed to save lives and I can't blame the people that need them.

But at the same time I'm so tired of being required to put so much of my life on hold for others that it makes dealing with my dysphoria so much more rough when I do have my dysphoric moments lately.

Believe me, my head knows and understands with the insane logic of a Vulcan. But, the body and emotions are in conflict with the mind like you wouldn't believe.

I can well imagine there are a LOT of things on hold thanks to covid that don't seem 'vital' to some.

But one fact remains. Transgender persons suffer the highest suicide rate in all of humanity. It all adds up.

I won't let anyone tell me a transgender person's needs are not life or death issues.