Sometimes a lack of volume is a good thing

Inasmuch as a lot of 'transgender' oriented sites have a lot of traffic, occasionally that isn't a positive.

Yesterday D'arcy and I were chatting like we frequently do, and the basic focus of the chat was, that transgender people often do more harm to themselves with obsessing, than anyone does to them.

We were talking about hormones. Frankly, there isn't enough frank and intelligent conversation among ourselves.
Yeah, you get breasts, your body hair changes, or for transmen, they get hairy and ditch their breasts.
But there is no chat about the downsides.
Yes, there ARE downsides.

Done incorrectly, hormones can kill you.

If you are married, it can fuck up your marriage.
A wife might LIKE getting fucked by her HUSBAND.
Or a husband might prefer his wife to look like a woman.

Hormone therapy is vital for some things, but it can ruin other things.
You have to weigh the losses and the gains.
And each person will have to see it as an individual.
There is no perfect transition.

My transition cost me, old friends. I miss some of the activities actually.
But it opened up a lot of new activities.

But hormone therapy was also 3 long confusing years. If done alone, with no in-person chat, no real support, it can be fucking lonely and scary. And I know, I did it. I did it at 50. I don't think it's easy at any age. I have a high school friend, I'm sure they are not finding being the only transgender kid at school much fun. And knowing a gay or lesbian person doesn't mean sweet diddly to being transgender. No one understands us, not even the cis queers.

I like that here is just a few transgender people that have gotten together to chat about the 'thrills' of being transgender.

I don't want to be surrounded by gays, lesbians, and all the other who and how you want to fuck nonsense. I JUST want to talk about being transgender.

There are a LOT of people though, who just want to do the social warrior thing.
My life has not been about the fucking bathroom. It hasn't been about a sport.
It's been about real things like getting breasts also means opening up a chance for breast cancer.
It's been about things like osteoporosis.
It's about looking a lot younger sometimes. Which actually mangled dating in a way.
It's often about learning small silly things like "for god's sake girl, that is too fucking much garish makeup." And "Jesus Christ girl, that outfit would look stupid on a drag queen too."
And Transgender men are not being told, oh that acne is just the beginning. You will need to really need to watch your anger issues. But enjoy looking better and better at the gym.

No one seems to discuss how the hormones will really mess up your routine. Damn right.
Your likes and dislikes. Your attitudes. You might gain new cravings for new foods. Films will seem different somehow. It opens parts of your psyche that were always there, but you couldn't see.
Men will stop listening to transgender women, and men will actually treat transgender men differently as well. They will talk differently with a transgender person. It will alter your work environment. Maybe for the good, maybe for the bad. Some people get some jobs easier than the other gender. I have never seen this, but D'arcy told me, auto parts people are usually women. But women are rarely car sales.

But I can't picture being able to post this on someplace that was a major site for transgender and all parts LGBTwhatever. They just want to hammer on the cliche talking points.

The hardest lesson I have had to learn from my last 10 years. Most transgender women are fucking nasty bitches. Out of 100 transgender women, my chances are likely at best, liking 5 of them at most. Chances are I piss off enough that I go away disgusted and hoping 2 of the 5 follow me away from that original 100.

D'arcy oddly enough finds most of her transgender female friends in the oddest places.
Grindr seems to be better than it should be. But it's guys who want guys ostensibly. And once you filter out the cis men expecting cis men, you often find a transgender pre-op woman who has realized, it's safer on Grindr than it is among supposedly transgender-oriented communities that feature all of the acronym. Weird, but true.
There's a surprising amount of gorgeous transgender women, with quite the penis, who are happy to find another transgender person there. You might be a transgender guy, just looking for a nice-looking transgender woman, who won't care if you have a penis.

And often, they are a lot more 'adjusted' to being themselves as they are. I've sure met a lot of transgender women not obsessing over surgery.

OK Bunny, there is much to address,. But most i agree but I'm chilled watching Jools Holland on the BBC late at night.
Cool music.

Anyway I must comment tomorrow. I do see where you are coming from.

I don't know if most transgender women are nasty bitches. In fact I think perhaps tht is a little unfair But of course I don't know many or indeed any transgender women. But I do know some women who are nasty bitches. But they are the exception.

But there is a truth that some transgender women are their own worst enemies.

But I prefer to think of myself as simply a woman. Which in fact is what I am, leaving aside all the complexities of my situation.

I just want to keep it simple. I'm a woman.

Very True Marie.

It has taken me a while, but I can now say, after the few years required to see it, that transgender women (and likely transgender men) tend to go through a phase of being aghast social justice warriors for a few years until they finally realize, "Hey, I just wanted to be a woman" (or man in the case of transgender men).

Today, I talk about being transgender in very selected places.
It's not my life.
It's not my whole day.
In fact, it's become so small a portion of my experience.

Right now, this moment, today, I'm all about finding a decent role game design I can realistically (ie the design that works best for it) play solo with my teddy bears. Which really just means me playing the various characters, and pretending the bears are not me It looks like the D&D 4th edition design is best for solo, as it is so coupled to miniatures friendly design elements. Almost like playing my board game wargames to a point.

Yeah, that's the biggest thing in my life.

The usual constant battle of finding space to do some of my 'big ideas' in my home.
The weather.
The ripples of Ukraine and covid, and supply chain issues.

I mean, who has the energy to make a production over which bathroom to use?
My reply to a woman being a problem in the bathroom is "fuck off bitch" pee and leave before she can really make herself a problem. "I'm calling the cops!" "Good, I'm sure they will be so happy to arrive after I'm gone."

I have of course sympathy for the young who can't escape the shit adults dump in their life.
But I don't have time to fight the battles of anyone over 25. Fuck, grow a spine.

My friend Bailey is a trans high school teen of colour. Woe be to anyone harming her in my presence. I'm bringing out mamma bear. You hurt Bailey, I hurt you.

But I know of so many transgender adults 30 and over.
Sometimes to listen to them is more than I can bear. "Whine whine whine"
Job this, and family that, and all the stuff I had to deal with too.
I fought back. I didn't let people shit on me.
You can be a victim if you insist. But Bunny is no one's bully target. Mess with Bunny, you get hurt.

Yet so many of the internet 'safe places' for transgender often end up being pity parties that never end.

When I talk to people about transgender concerns, with transgender persons or non-transgender persons, it's about the real concerns you will face. Taking hormones is a dramatic influence. Transgender surgery is a very significant surgery. It will dramatically change your body, but it won't change your life. If you were ugly going in, then you will become an ugly girl. If you refuse to dress intelligently, then surgery will just make you look dreadful, and you will have a vagina.

But I never saw these frank discussions in the usual places.
It's all so much hand-holding.

I'm several years past surgery. I was sooo about the surgery. Then it was over. And I totally missed the part where I planned on what to do after the surgery. It took me 2 years to get over 'it finally happened'. No one taught me what to do next. I recall waking the next day, and "wow, it is finally gone." And then I realized, I had no idea what to do next.

I'm now finally just living my life. I'm told I'm cute. I don't see it I am sure everyone knows I'm transgender. But it seems that no one cares. I'm old news. And it is awesome to just be me.

My real dream was always to be boring, uninteresting, just another woman. And I made it.

"My real dream was always to be boring, uninteresting, just another woman. And I made it."

100% my dream too. I'm no activist. I don't want to be noticed. I don't want to be a role model. I don't want faux understanding or pity.

I just want to wake up in the morning, go about my business and go to bed at night without being reminded.

The closest I get is when I meet women friends and my guard drops. For an hour or two I'm just a chatty woman.

You're lucky Lesley but quite rightly know you made your own luck.

That's what it's all about.